The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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I think I have gotten a girl in my class pregnant, but the girl has had sex with lots of other people as well. How do I know if I'm the baby father? Will we both go to hell? What will happen to the baby?

Matthew (age 15)

Let us talk about what you have been doing, both from a biblical view as well as a secular view.

First, think for a moment and tell me why you would put your penis into a girl who has had "lots of other people's" penises in her? Just because the two of you are young, it doesn't mean you can't get a disease. There are lots of diseases which are passed sexually through fluids and skin-to-skin contact. In essence, when you put your penis in her, you came into contact with every other person with whom she has had sex -- and every person they had sex with as well.

Condoms could slow down the transfer of diseases, but you weren't using one since you are concerned that you might have gotten her pregnant. But condoms aren't fool-proof. They can't completely stop the spread of diseases.

You see, the skin on your penis is very thin. You can see right through it. Notice all the blood vessels and even skin glands you can see through the surface. That means it doesn't take much for a bacteria, virus, or fungus to reach your circulatory system and spread through your body. This is why sexually transmitted diseases spread so quickly. "Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away" (Proverbs 6:32-33).

What you were doing is called "fornication" in the Bible, though newer translations will use words like "sexual immorality" or even just "immorality" for the same word. It means having sex outside of marriage. When people are having sex without being married to their sexual partner, they are committing sin. Any sin that isn't forgiven by seeking God's forgiveness in the manner that He stated will keep a person out of heaven. "Or don't you know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don't be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortioners, will inherit the Kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). People who stay in their sins will end up in hell. "But for the cowardly, unbelieving, sinners, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their part is in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death." (Revelation 21:8). Fortunately, it doesn't have to end this way. You can leave your sins behind and be forgiven. After talking about all the sins the Corinthians had done in their past, Paul said, "Such were some of you, but you were washed. But you were sanctified. But you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and in the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11).

But you can't leave the consequences of your sins behind so easily. In answer to the question of knowing if you are the father, generally you can't until the baby is born. Then a sample of the baby's and your DNA can be sent to a lab where tests are run to see how closely the two sets match. The cost of such tests is about $300 to $400. The tests could be run before the child's birth, but it involves risks to the baby and are not often done.

Usually the girl's doctor can give a good guess as to when the child was conceived. If the girl knows who she was having sex with about that time, she can guess who is the father. The problem is that when you have sex, your sperm can survive up to six days in a woman's womb. So even if you didn't have sex with her on the day she conceived, you still could be the father. But if she had multiple partners, any of the men up to six days prior to the conception could be the father.

Sometimes you will find that a girl will pick the boy she happens to like best or whom she thinks is most likely to support the baby and declare that he is the father, even when she has no idea or suspects someone else. In addition, state agencies generally want some man to be financially responsible for the child and will urge you to sign papers that bind you even before you know if you are the sperm donor. So, unless you feel like giving over 25% to 50% of your paychecks for the next 18 years for support of this child, don't sign any forms without a lawyer helping you understand what it is that you are signing.

As far as what happens to the child, to God the child is innocent of your sins. But in our country, the mother has say over what happens to a child. It is up to her whether she decides to deliver the child or kill it (as disgusting as it is), or whether to try raising the child or give it up for adoption. Unless you know you are the father by a DNA test or by signing papers saying you are the father and take full financial responsibility, you have no say in the matter.

The problem is that at fifteen, you are in no position to support or raise a child. You're not even grown yourself. You can't make enough money and once you are tied down supporting a child, you won't have time to finish your education.

What I'm saying is that in exchange for a few minutes of sexual pleasure you just changed the course of your life for the worse, changed the course of this girl's life, and now involved the life of an innocent child.