The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

Share this page with your friends

Bookmark and Share


See, I know I'm not gay because I'm not emotionally attracted to guys at all. It's just that I dropped my sex life off because I realized that I was sinning, so then I got horny. Then it just happened. I mean I was thinking about a girl at the time, then I just was curious to see if it would turn me on because I was always called gay in 7th and 8th grade and it made me think a lot about what people see in me that I don't.

I mean, I love my girlfriend and I do not want to be a homosexual. It's a scary thing, so I prayed to God and asked Him to help. I realized that if I have a thought I need to replace it with "I love you God," or something like that.

So you're for sure God will forgive me? Because I want to feel safe. I guess I've been hanging out with myself a lot and have became a low life ever since my girlfriend went back home.

I'm 17 and was dependent on having sex with her, then I cut off sex and masturbation and then I had that thought -- twice -- so yeah I feel really horrible about it. But my mom said that it's because of being horny and cutting myself off from it, then the devil knew I was vulnerable and not only he could get me to think bad but even think about a guy -- ewwwwhu! I hate it. So you think this will too pass soon?



Let's return to some basics about how your body works. Since just before the time of your first ejaculation, your body has been constantly producing semen (See "Your Body" for more details.) The seminal vesicles where it is produced can only hold so much. Your body has two involuntary mechanisms for discarding excess semen. One is that each time you have a strong erection, day or night, a small amount of semen can escape from the seminal vesicles. The next time you urinate, that semen is flushed out. For many men that mechanism is too slow. Many men produce semen faster than it can be reduced; thus, the second mechanism is nocturnal emissions or night wettings. Here the body goes through the stages of sex while you are in the dream phase of sleep and when you reach orgasm, you ejaculate semen. To put it in very blunt terms, nocturnal emissions is masturbating in your sleep. Because your body is in "sex" mode, your dreams tend to follow with sexual themes but because it is a dream weird concepts and ideas are connected together. It is not unusual for guys to wake up and wonder if their isn't something wrong with them because of those dreams. But you can relax, they are just dreams that you have little control over. Nocturnal emissions is normal. Almost everyone has them. It is even mentioned in the Bible (Deuteronomy 23:10-11).

What happened with you is that Satan tempted you into finding an improper outlet for your semen. You turned to having sex with girls. Fortunately, you learned that fornication is wrong, but now you are having to deal with issues of sexual arousal -- something that you basically skipped in your development because you went straight to sexual intercourse. Does God forgive people for committing fornication? Of course (I Corinthians 6:9-11), so long as you are willing to come to Him on His terms and not your own. Has He forgiven you? That is a question I cannot answer. I know what God said is required, I know what you ought to do, but I only have your word about what you have done. I'm not able to read your thoughts and your motives. "Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one's praise will come from God" (I Corinthians 4:5). Do everything you can to live right, even though you will slip up at times, and then trust that God keeps His promises.

The issue is that as your seminal vesicles get full, they trigger a series of events in your body that causes you to be very easily aroused. "Horny" as you put it because your penis is getting erect at the least provocation, and even when there is no cause. The tendency to be easily aroused builds until there is a release of semen, and then it drops off for a period of time until the next build up. That cycle will continue until you get married have a legitimate outlet for your sexual desire. Even afterwards, there will be periods when you are unable to have sex and that cycle will return. The teenage years is when you learn to deal with it.

The problem is that you started out on the wrong foot. You dealt with your body's needs through sin. Your mom is right, Satan isn't going to let such an opportunity to tempt you into sin to pass by. He's going to use multiple methods: homosexual thoughts, giving up and going back to fornication, or even doubts. I think the last is what has you snared at the moment. You know what is right, but he has got you doubting whether you can do right. "Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin" (Romans 14:22-23).

Will it pass? The answer is "yes," but it depends on your resolve. "Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up" (James 4:7-10).

Now, there is one more issue that we need to talk about and it is a delicate one because it can so easily be misunderstood or misconstrued. You mentioned masturbation, and I want you to read an answer I gave to the question "Is masturbation unacceptable?" The point of the article is that many people assume that masturbation is sinful because that is what they always heard. The Bible actually says neither yes nor no. What is wrong are the things most guys do to get themselves to climax -- looking at pornography or thinking about sinful situations. Realizing that those things are wrong, people have a tendency to go overboard and make rules where none exist. I think this is the second snare within which Satan has trapped you. I want you to get your Bible out and work through the sermon outline "Extremes." There are a number of verses, but look them all up. Many are going to require some thought, and probably lead to questions as well. Think especially how it applies to your current situation.

What I want to point out is if you have the strength of will to keep your mind on righteous things, it is possible to use masturbation as a tool to take the edge off your sexual desire. When you feel yourself getting overly horny, you can use masturbation to get rid of semen so your body calms down and you can keep a firmer rein on your thoughts. However, since you have filled you mind with impure thoughts regarding sex, it might be difficult -- especially at first. Your mind will have a tendency to slip into well-worn pathways when you become sexually excited. Whether you chose to use the tool or not is up to you (remember that you must do all things without doubt), but the possibility exists.