The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Hello. I am in a country under Muslim law. I'm 17 this year and I have just viewed your web site about the sin of lust.

I need help.

Just three or four days ago I committed that act with my girlfriend -- twice, the first time in my life.

I've come to realize my sin after reading your web site. I regret my actions very much. I can't sleep at night. I keep thinking of the consequences I will have to face eventually, and how I've soiled my girlfriend's name alongside mine. I love her. I do not want to put her in harm's way, nor ruin her life, no matter what.

I've prayed and asked for forgiveness, on my own, but I struggle as I don't know the exact words to do so. I have no safe way to go to the church without my parents finding out, seeing as they are not followers of Christ.

Is there anyway for me to repent and redeem myself in the eyes of the Lord? And for one of the Lord's miracles to prevent my girlfriend from becoming pregnant?

Forgive me for sounding cheesy, but I'm speaking my heart's feelings. I'm sorry, and I sincerely need help. Please.

P.S. We're both Christians.


I'm glad you took the time to write, though I am sorry about the circumstances. It always saddens me how little young people are taught about the nature of sin. I wish there was a way we could sit down together and have a very long talk about your responsibilities as a male.

God decided long ago, to put the responsibility of leadership on the shoulders of men. "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God" (I Corinthians 11:3). I know that doesn't go over well these days, but this isn't the time argue as to why. The point is that as a man, it is your responsibility to lead the way in moral decisions. As a Christian, it is your responsibility to set a good example. "Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity" (I Timothy 4:12). You failed to fulfill the duties God placed in your hands.

We can talk later about why you failed, whether it was from ignorance or selfishness, but at the moment let's talk about what you need to do. The world is full of people who call themselves Christians, but who have not entered into a covenant with Christ. The Bible tells us what needs to be done. Rather than repeat it all here, please take a look at "What Does the Bible Say About Salvation?" After reading through this you find there are areas lacking in your life, please let me know. I know of Christians in your area of the world whom you can talk to.

Assuming that you and your girlfriend are true Christians, then the important thing to do is to get your lives back on the right track. You've gotten over the hardest part -- admitting that you have done something wrong. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us" (I John 1:8-10). You have laid your failings down before God and God tells you to trust Him -- that He will forgive your sins. Since you have asked, I too will go to the Father and ask Him to aid you as well. "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16).

The second thing you must do is change your behavior. You cannot erase what has happened, but you can take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. "Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:9-11). You need to consider what led up to your sin and then put into place rules for yourself to prevent this from happening again. I'll help you out with what are reasonable and unreasonable restrictions, if that will help you. Both you and your girlfriend need to talk about what you did wrong and what you are going to do differently from here on out.

I cannot say whether God will keep your girlfriend from getting pregnant or not. All sins have consequences and God often allows the results of our own sins to be the "beating" we deserve to remind us not to sin.

"For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives." If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord" (Hebrews 12:6-14).

If your girlfriend does end up being pregnant, then it is because God wants both of you to learn some very serious lessons about sin. The time for choosing whether to have a baby was before you unzipped your pants, not after the sex was done -- even non-Christians understand this. By the way, if your girlfriend is going to get pregnant from what you had done, it has likely already happened. It takes sperm less than 20 minutes to enter a woman's uterus. They can survive for up to six days, so if she releases an egg in any of those six days, there is a fair chance that she'll conceive a child.

So, if it does happen, then you need to accept the consequence that came from your free choice, which is either marrying this young woman and raising your child or placing the child up for adoption in a family who can raise the child properly.

Though you two were playing adult games, I suspect you are not in the position to support a wife and child, something you should have thought of before you put your penis where it didn't belong. I assume your girlfriend is also over 16. In your country you would have to have your parents' consent to marry since you are under 21. I have no idea whether they would agree or not. It will be up to them. But if she does find herself pregnant, then you are going to have to admit your sin to both parents. There will be a storm to weather, but consider it as a part of the punishment for your sin. You'll survive it. But you played at being a man, so now you'll have to be one whether you are ready or not.

And in the future, be a Christian man. Sex belongs in marriage for good reasons. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).