The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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I just read chapter 7, "Getting (too) Close", from Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Girls.

Actually, I'm 19 years old, I'm a born again Christian, as is my girlfriend, and I'm a boy, but it was just what I was looking for. My girlfriend and I have been going out for the last two months. We've never really been alone until today, when I went to her house. She was alone, and we started kissing. There was no fondling, and it probably was far from what you would think would lead to having sex. But it still wasn't "nothing." We kissed for about 20 seconds (much longer than ever before), and I was pretty aroused. She had class in an hour, as did I, so we left her house, and parted ways. So in the afternoon I was thinking over what had happened. I felt kind of guilty, remembering how aroused I had been, and thinking, that perhaps it isn't right. I wanted to know more from the Christian perspective because from the worldly perspective you just have to watch a few Hollywood movies, and you'll find out what Satan's plan is for everyone -- fornication under every rock. In this world today, fornication is more than normal. It's almost a custom. Everybody does it, but not the Christian. I don't want to fall into Satan's trap. So, thanks a lot for addressing such important matter. I might even read the other chapters! ;)

I thank the Lord that he led me to this web page. And I pray he will help me to keep this in the green zone. And talk it over with her.


Thank you for writing and letting me know that the material I wrote had meaning for you. Let me direct you to the companion book: Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Boys. You'll find the same issues addressed, but from the guy's perspective. There is also an extensive question and answer section on just about any topic a guy wants to ask me about, including arousal.

A good rule of thumb is to pay attention to your body's reaction. If you are getting aroused, then you need to back off -- and quickly. Keep in mind this simple fact: A guy, when aroused, does not think clearly. In particular, the sections of the brain which deal with judgment are suppressed. You don't notice it because you are in the middle of it. Usually later, as happened with you, it kicks back in and you wonder what you could have been thinking. Proverbs 7 discusses this in detail in the context of how an immoral woman will use this against a young man.

What every young man needs to face is the fact that he can fall to sin if he lets his guard down. It is the person who think he is stronger who is the most vulnerable. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:12). I want you to impose on yourself one simple rule: You will not be alone with a girl in a place where there isn't anyone else around. If you need to pick up your girlfriend and she is home alone, tell her you'll wait for her at the door outside. Statistics bear out that the number one time for teenager to engage in sex is during the afternoon hours when family members are gone. People let down their guard in an environment where they are comfortable (at home) and thought that no one will see (because God is forgotten) adds too much temptation to go too far.

You're welcome to write anytime you have questions or concerns.

Thank you so much. I'm just chatting with my girlfriend about this. She agreed in helping me to stop when I'm aroused so we don't fall into fornication.

Excellent. Just as long as she keeps in mind that she won't see each situation the same way you do. What is arousing for a guy is not necessarily arousing for a gal. Often gals think a guy is crazy because they aren't affected by a particular situation and assume that the guy can't be either.

The same thing goes the other way around. Things that don't spark a feeling in you will bother your girlfriend. Each of you need to respect and avoid the other's trigger points.