The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

There is a girl I really like. Well, I was talking to her yesterday and she told me she liked someone (not me), and that the other person might like her back. I know I'm not supposed to be jealous of the other guy, but it's hard to be if I like the same person. Can you tell me how to deal with jealousy?


Answer

Jealousy is the emotional response we have when we want to hold on to something that belongs to us. It can be a good response when that something really does belong to us (Exodus 34:14; Song of Solomon 8:6). But far too often we become jealous over something we really don't have.

Both of you are still young. It is exciting to get to the stage in life where people of the opposite sex notice you. Yet, at the same time there isn't much experience to say who you really do like or ought to like. The truth is that you have no claim on her, though you want one, nor does she have a claim on you.

I assume you have told her that you like her. For a relationship to exist two people have to both choose each other. Understand that she has to decide to choose you. And at the moment, she has little experience at choosing. For that matter, the same can be said for you. Tell your heart that she has to shop a bit before she realizes who is the best deal for a mate. If she agrees, she'll be back with you. But respect her as her own person who has to make up her own mind.

You are not in a contest against the other guy. Both of you have good and bad traits. What dating is about is finding someone whose traits you are willing to accept as your life's companion.

Likely, you too will get distracted by other girls in the coming years. You too will have to make up your mind which set of traits you think you can get along with best. To lock on one girl at this time of your life just because she is your first is not necessarily the best.

Thank you so much for giving such good advice; not only is a Christian giving me advice, but you're giving me good Christian advice!! I will try my best to deal with all of those things that you have helped me with.