The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Hi. I was wondering would it be a sin for me to sleep with my girlfriend? We are not doing anything but hugged up and going to sleep, and of course a goodnight kiss, but no sex. Is that a sin?


While it may be your intention not to have sex at the moment, I don't think you are being entirely honest with yourself. Why is it that you want to sleep next to your girlfriend and not in your own bed? I suspect a truer answer is that it is exciting and sexually appealing.

The Bible states that sexual touching, which sleeping together would fall in this category, is not right prior to marriage. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). The reason is simple, such touching arouses passion which can lead to sexual sin. "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:29). Though this passage is talking about adultery, the overall point remains the same. Let us assume for the moment that despite your intentions, several months from now you slip up, give into temptation, and have sex. Would anyone say that it would be an innocent "accident?" Ask anyone on the street and people will say that it is an "accident" waiting to happen and that deep down I think you know it.

Think about why sex will easily happen:

  • You are alone with a girl you like and no one is looking at what you are doing.
  • You are under the bed clothes, so few can see what you are doing. "For you have trusted in your wickedness; You have said, 'No one sees me'" (Isaiah 47:10).
  • You talk about snuggling up against each other, but where are your hands? Are they touching areas where your hands don't belong and that you probably won't dare touch in public?
  • Most people wear little clothing when sleeping, so not only are you seeing more than you should you are also touching more, both which will sexually arouse you.
  • Then there is the little matter of having erections while you sleep and when you wake up. This also is something that isn't appropriate to share with someone to whom you are not married.
  • Since you are sexually aroused, you are likely to drip pre-cum. That fluid can contain sperm, and since you are snuggled close together, that fluid could reach her vagina, especially since you are not wearing much. While the odds are extremely small, the chance of pregnancy is not zero.
  • And finally, what happens if you have a wet dream that night?

When it comes to sin, we are not suppose to see how close to the line we can come without crossing over. A Christian's response to sin is to flee from sin. "Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart" (II Timothy 2:22). Two unmarried young people sleeping in the same bed is not fleeing lust; it is promoting lust. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18).

You are a healthy male. You aren't different from all the other guys, and that means sex is an extremely strong desire. Anyone looking at the situation will figure that something will happen, and sooner rather than later. When it does happen (not if it happens), the odds of pregnancy are going to be high. It isn't like you will have a condom on hand because that would be admitting that you did plan to have sex. And the day she is most likely to give in to sex is the day she is most likely to conceive.

Just to prove my point. What if you found out next week that another guy slept with your girlfriend, just like you did. Would you accept his argument that nothing happened and that it was all innocent?

If you want to be with your girlfriend, then first get married. Then none of these issues will matter. Save the personal closeness for the one woman you hope to spend the rest of your life with. Make your bodies something special, reserved only for that one special person.

In the Song of Solomon, the heroine frequently dreamed of the day she would get to lie next to the man she loved. Yet, each time she stopped herself and gave a warning: "His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:6-7). When couples try to rush love, they do more harm than good. Like trying to walk up to a wild deer, moving quickly does nothing more than frighten the deer away. You are pushing your relationship rapidly into the physical realm and the result will be that you'll lose the closeness of being companions because the physical acts of sexual stimulation will dominate all your thoughts. Sex isn't the foundation of a good relationship or a marriage. It is the icing on top, not the foundation.