The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hello sir. I have have a question. I want to ask my brother if I could see his penis because I'm curious and I wonder if I'll get as big as he is, but I'm scared to ask him because he might think I'm gay or something. I'm nervous because I'm thirteen and he is twenty.

I did something a bit bad. When my brother was sleeping on the couch in the morning, I tried to see him having a wet dream, but when started to move the blanket to see, he woke up and asked me what I was doing. Now what should I do?


Answer

While I understand the curiosity, it isn't something that is proper to do. Our private areas are to be private. You need to start being respectful of other people's privacy.

I know, I know. Lately I have been having boners. I couldn't still be having spontaneous erections could I? I don't have wet dreams and I don't masturbate. I stopped that a week ago, and yet I wake up with an erection. My brother doesn't because right when he gets up he walks around and there isn't a boner.

Spontaneous erections typically continue into your twenties. Having an erection when you get up in the morning will typically be with you for the rest of your life. You have multiple erections each night that happen when you are dreaming. People tend to dream just before they awake in the morning, but if someone is getting up with an alarm clock they may not be in a dream cycle and thus won't have an erection. Also many guys will wake up and stay in bed a few moments to let their erections pass before getting out from under the blankets.

What you seem to be doing is chasing after things that get you sexually excited. Many guys get hooked on looking at pornography, but you are trying to use actual people. It is still pornography, but a form that is called voyeurism. People who do this are called Peeping Toms. People rightly get angry about such behavior. Pornography is wrong, but one assumes that those in the photographs volunteered to be seen. The Peeping Tom is looking at people who gave no such permission. So not only is a person being sexualized by another, it is also without his awareness.

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5).

"Passion of lust" is a way of describing pornography and that is what you are pursuing. In addition, the Old Testament law specifically condemned trying to look at another person's nakedness.

"None of you shall approach anyone who is near of kin to him, to uncover his nakedness: I am the LORD" (Leviticus 18:6). By this, God isn't talking about chance glimpse of someone in your family without clothing. He is talking about trying to look at someone for sexual purposes. That is what you tried to do when you attempted to peek under his sheets in the morning. It is wrong. It will get you into trouble. You need to stop this line of thinking.

You said that I would be a peeping tom if I didn't have permisson. What if I did?

You didn't anwser my question about my not having wet dreams.

I have a question about underwear. I wear knit boxers and they are very spacious. I like to feel the breeze sort of thing. I'm nervous about wearing them to school because I don't want anyone seeing my private area when I'm putting on my gym shorts. What should I do? Should I switch types?

You missed the point. It is wrong to look for your sexual excitement. It becomes doubly wrong to look with the other person being unaware of what you are doing. Jesus said, "treat people the same way you want them to treat you" (Matthew 7:12). Now you are concerned about someone accidentally seeing your genitals, while you are trying to think of ways to see other guys with erections and more.  You are making different rules for yourself from other people. I want you to treat other people with more respect than they may treat you.

In regards to underwear, if you have something on you, pulling on shorts on top isn't going to expose yourself.

You didn't ask a question about not having wet dreams, you only stated that you haven't had one, which isn't unusual for someone who has been masturbating.

I get the point about the whole peeping thing.