The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

May I date a girl who's not a Christian? Of course I understand some of the limits, but I really want to understand this. I never had a girlfriend. I'm 20 years old. Did I lose my time thinking God would someday send the right person to me?

What do I need to do to be a good boyfriend? For what reasons should a girl like me? I'm asking you this because I really don't know. What should I talk to a girl about?


Answer

There is nothing wrong with dating or even marrying a girl who is not a Christian. Both I Corinthians 7:12-15 and I Peter 3:1-6 talk about how to deal with a non-Christian mate. But just because you can, it doesn't always mean it is the best thing to do. The problem is that a non-Christian won't have the same moral standards that you hold to. That can lead to a lot of problems.

Lose time? No, I think you are now better able to handle the difficulties of having a girlfriend, and especially the avoiding of temptations. God makes opportunities for you, what you do with them is your decision.

To be a good boyfriend, put the emphasis on being a friend. You should be looking for someone you might consider living with for the rest of your life. You shouldn't approach dating as just entertainment for yourself. It is a time to get to know another person better. "Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant" (Malachi 2:14). Too many men ignore the fact that a wife is a man's companion. To be a good boyfriend, you need to treat the girl with respect, she ought to be someone you think is important -- not a play thing. You should be interested in what she says and what she thinks. Treat her like other friends, only better. Ask her thoughts about various topics. Find out if you have common interests. See if you have similar goals or see the world in a similar fashion.

Thanks for the answers!

In my country most people say that women like money, and hearing that every day really irritates me. It was one of the reasons I didn't like struggling to do the right thing. I mean, it builds a stupid logic: You have the money, then you can get a girlfriend. You don't have the money, then you can't get a girlfriend. I hate this way of thinking, and there're not a lot of things I hate. A classmate of mine even said that people in my field don't have good girlfriends because the best women are for doctors and lawyers. I've come to develop a hatred for this way of thinking. How does the Bible say I should think? This world's so wicked that sometimes it confuses me! I even started not liking my choices or who I am. It's dangerous!

Something I was told while growing up is that the type of fish you catch depends on the lure you use. Sure, there are some girls who go after money. They are the type who are focused on wealth and unrestricted spending. But these types of women don't make good wives, and they don't make good girlfriends. Take a look at Proverbs 31:10-31 and see if the ideal woman described here would be someone who chose men by the amount of money they make.