The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

Share this page with your friends

Bookmark and Share

Question

This question is about lust. I've read the article and I'm very grateful for that. I made some of those mistakes and fortunately, my life didn't get corrupted or destroyed. I'm a Christian but still lust came over me. But because of your article, I found out that the things that I thought were nothing were actually wrong.

I fondled my girlfriend. I truly enjoyed doing it. I think she did too. But after reading your article, I got devastated for a while. I spend my time thinking that she was pregnant. Each day, I woke up in the morning, and I still have the same thought. But after a few weeks, she had her period. And I was so happy and I deeply regret what I did to her, taking advantage of her. I apologized.

I stopped. But I still feel fluids coming out whenever I'm near her. Now I'm trying to do everything right, correcting my mistakes and no longer doing inappropriate acts. But I hope I could just stop releasing these fluids. I just want to be with her -- to kiss and hug her, to be with her without danger. My family and her family trusted me to take good care of her, and I intent to carry that task out. Please help me not to cross boundaries anymore.


Answer

If you were concerned about pregnancy, then what you did with your girlfriend went well beyond fondling. I'm glad for both your sakes that no greater complications came as a result of your misbehavior. But, as you know, avoiding getting her pregnant didn't make what you did any better. Sin isn't defined by whether you are a Christian or not, whether you knew what you were doing was wrong or not, or whether you had fun while you were sinning. "Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness" (I John 3:4). Sin is simply going against God's law.

It is commendable that you didn't make any excuses for your sin. You changed your behavior. That is a mark of true Christian behavior.

The dripping is from pre-ejaculate fluid. Your body produces them whenever you are sexually aroused. You body doesn't consider whether you want the fluids or not. It only knows that you are sexually aroused and it starts the preparations for sex. Your body doesn't know that sex isn't allowed or that you have no intentions of even coming close to sex. Still, dripping is just one of those things guys have to put up with.

But it does tell me one thing. You still, at least on some level, think of your girlfriend in terms of sex. What you need to do is stop focusing on the physical things, which led to your earlier problems. You need to focus on her as a person. It is your friendship that you need to develop.

When the physical aspects of a relationship dominate, it feels good, but love gets chased off. The heroine in Song of Solomon knew this. Every time her thoughts drifted toward snuggling with her fiance, she stopped and issued this warning: "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:7). You tried to make love happen by turning it into a physical action. Love is your choice in relationship. It develops over time. But when people try to force it, they lose it. Don't make that mistake.

As you see her more as a friend and less as a person to have sex with, your body will stop responding as much.

We just fondled. I never intended to put my (you know) into her. I was never over her (...). I never even felt her (you know) touching my (you know), but still the evil thoughts were there. And for a moment I was ashamed of myself, I thought that God would punish me for what I did. So I thought she was pregnant. I guess I was paranoid, and I deserved it. I wasn't the gentleman I used to be. I want her and I to have a family in the near future. I want us to be happy together with God's light guarding our home. I guess I got too excited, but that's not an excuse for my actions.

Just to clear things out. I don't consider her as someone I could have sex with. I consider her as someone truly special, truly valuable; someone I truly love; and someone I wish to spend my life with. I guess it's truly hard to stop one's sexual desire, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I will always remember your advice, sir. I will take good care of her.

Thank you for your help sir. I hope to meet you someday and give my thanks to you face-to-face. I will do my best to focus and respect her as a person -- as the girl I love.

Thanks again, and God bless!