I have a really awkward question to ask. I believe that masturbation is okay without dirty thoughts. But sometimes I have thoughts. Not like "One Night Stand" or anything, but imagining what it would be like with a wife in the future and such, where we both accept each other and such. So I kind of think about (*awkward*) what we would do. Sometimes, I think I go to far in that and I pray for forgiveness but other times I don't really think about things, and I think it's fine.
The only thing is that when I don't do it for a couple of days I feel the urge, and I usually catch myself looking at stuff (not pornography or naked people) on the Internet.
Also, I know being gay is a sin, and I do not believe in it at all. But sometimes I search for pictures of shirtless muscular guys. I don't feel attracted to them, I think I envy their looks because I am overweight and I hate it, and, yeah, sometimes bad things will pop up and I'll shield my eyes. But that's usually just when I haven't done it in a couple of days.
I want to stay true to the Lord.
Also, I don't know what development stage I'm in. I'm 14, but I do produce semen, I do have underarm hair, hair "down there," and some on my face that I take off with a little electric non-shaver thing -- it's one of those mini ones -- maybe every two to three weeks.
I'm 210 pounds and not sure on my height. I thought I was 5'10" but I'm not sure.
I know God loves me just the way I am, but I don't love myself this way because
- It isn't healthy.
- It doesn't look good to me.
I know this is a whole conglomeration of questions, but I would appreciate help.
The danger in imagining what sex will be like in the future is that you have little idea of what sex is like. You supply missing parts with your imagination, but your imagination could easily be wrong. The dangers is setting up expectations for yourself or your future wife that cannot be fulfilled. You have to keep in mind that what you are imagining is imaginary.
When the urge for sex gets strong, it isn't at all unusual to imagine what you could be like. So, yes, guys will look at other guys, not because of a sexual desire for men but from a desire to personally look better. But wherever there is a strong desire, Satan will try to find a way to twist it into something sinful. "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life -- is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" (I John 2:15-17). As you've noticed on the Internet you don't just get what you are looking for but other things as well. What I recommend is installing something like K9 Web Protection on your computer and phone. Nothing will be perfect, but it will cut down on accidental views greatly.
I can't tell you from your description whether you are in stage three or four. Since I don't know you, I can't offer an opinion. That is what the Tanner Stage Calculator is for.
In regards to weight: yes, you are too heavy. The problem is that you are not at a stage in life when it is safe to do any drastic dieting. You are growing and you need good nutrition. So rather than diet per se, what I will recommend is that you improve your eating habits instead. Eliminate all junk food. If you really want something sweet, allow yourself one or two per week (and you have all week to plan what you are going to splurge on). At the same time, you can eat all the fruits and vegetables that you want, but you have to keep you meat serving to a reasonable size.
Meanwhile, find something active that you like to do. Then add in a daily calisthenic routine (like 50 jumping jacks, 20 pushups and 50 crunches) to add a little extra omphf to your day. The point is finding things that don't take a huge amount of time (so you never have time to do them), but that get your heart rate going and you burning off some of that excess that you've accumulated.