The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I have been struggling with a certain issue. I try to push it away from my head but It always comes back. It is very hard to keep your head up and it is even harder to have some confidence when you're a short guy. I'm only about 5 foot 4 inches, probably shorter. The average height for an American male is 5"9. So that means that I am far below the average. I am 20 years old, so I do not think I will grow anymore. I am the shortest male in my family.

Not only am I short but I also look very young. Everybody thinks that I'm 15. I do not have much body mass and my frame is pretty small. My shoulders are not that wide. I have seen shorter guys who have wider shoulders than me. This makes me look even smaller.

There is a certain trait amongst my dad's side of the family in which they had late growth spurts around 17 or 18 years of age. I think my dad had one around his 20's, but I am not sure. I already went through puberty, but I was wondering if their was any chance of me growing at least a little bit.

This is extremely depressing. Everybody underestimates me. People are always making comments about my height. Other people make fun of me and call me names. Besides all of this my dating life is miserable. I feel very lonely because I never had any siblings. I also really don't hang out with too many people.

I never had a girlfriend in my life and I mostly blame it on my height. Most girls I see are my height or taller than me. It seems like every girl is obsessed with dating a really tall guy or it's a deal breaker if the man is shorter. People say that personality is what matters most, but if a guy is short, it does not matter how good looking he is or how great of a person he is. Most girls would not give him a chance just because of his height. The worst part is that he cannot control it. You can even do research on polls and you will see that what I'm telling you is true.

Now I'm not saying every girl is like that, but most women are disgusted at the idea of dating a short guy. When I was in High School I asked this girl to go with me as friends because I did not want to go alone. We were around the same height and she told me no because she was going to wear heels and that she cared about what other people thought about her.

Maybe I have been talking to the wrong girls and maybe I should talk to the girls of my church. My only hope is that Christian women won't be so superficial. I really feel embarrassed of my height among taller people. Sometimes I feel inferior or less of a human being. It is my dream to one day have kids and have a wife, but my chances are very slim because of my height.

I have gotten to the point of considering limb lengthening surgery. I know its lengthy painful and expensive, but I'm willing to save up money and go through all that pain. I can't stand living like this.


Answer

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you"" (Hebrews 13:5).

People tend to forget that if the average height is 5'9", then there have to be people shorter balance out those who are taller. The difficulty is that there are two approaches. There is how people ought to behave and how they actually behave. You and I can't make people behave. We can only point people in the right direction. The only place you have control is over yourself.

I have good friends who are all sorts of sizes, shapes, and color. But that is because I care about people, not the package they come in. And there are women who see people the same way. Here is something that can help you sort people. If you see a woman wearing spiked heels, then you know that she's focused on height and it is an issue for her. If you see a woman wearing flats, then she probably doesn't see height as an issue.

I wouldn't recommend cosmetic surgery to change your size because it will leave you disproportionate and with scars. There is an easier, cheaper way.

I remember a elementary school kid rang my doorbell once. "You don't want to buy any of my magazines do you?" The kid lost before he started. He assumed people weren't going to buy his magazines and most likely they didn't. For the same reason if you assume girls aren't going to like you because of your height then you'll end up causing it to happen -- not because of your height but because of your attitude.

You are a man and you are who you are because that is how God made you. Instead of pinning your happiness on something you do not have, be happy with God has blessed you with. If you must, balance your height with a bigger than life personality.

Yes, you finally reached adulthood and you look younger than you are. At the moment you want to look older, but in another twenty years you are going to be thankful that you still have your youthful look.

Having people underestimate you can be an advantage in some situations. People won't be as defensive around you, so you are likely to have people willing to confide in you. You probably would work well with teens as they will see you as one of them, but you have the wisdom and maturity they wish they had.

So, I have an assignment for you. This week, I want you to talk to three different young women. There are no ulterior motives beyond talking. I want you to find out something about each person. So if it is a woman at college, ask her what she is studying, which course she liked best, or which teacher was her favorite. If it is a woman at church, find out how long she's been a Christian, what is her favorite book in the Bible, or what was the best sermon she ever heard. Whatever the question, really listen to her answer and ask some follow up questions. The point is to engage a woman in conversation and as she answers watch how she reacts.