The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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I don't know why but before I started masturbating when I was 11 years old I felt I was Mr. Confident, strong and never scared to fight. I started masturbating toward the end of 11 or when I was 12. Now I'm 14, I've been doing it almost every day for about 2 or 3 years, and I feel weak, not confident, losing my memory, getting nervous more, and get scared to fight people. I'm worried because I was always a strong kid, now I feel weak, so I stopped for two weeks because my dad told me if you stop for like a year or two without masturbating, he said I'll get stronger again.


Like many people, you assume that if two things happen near the same time, then one must have caused the other. You never stop and consider whether there are other things which might be going on.

First, confidence is state of mind. You derived your confidence from your physical strength and abilities. Those things are still there, but since you are in the middle of growing you aren't as coordinated as you used to be, simply due to your body's constantly changing size.

I assume that you wrongly decided that you were better than other kids because you could beat up on them, but since everyone develops at their own pace, some of the kids you used to pick on are more developed than you are. You don't like the fact that the tables have been turned. Not that this was ever a good attitude to have. A person who thinks he is better than other because he is stronger will always lose in the end. "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city" (Proverbs 16:32). A guy who uses his head instead of his brawn will always win in the end.

I'm going to assume that you are staying away from things like alcohol and drugs. These things can ruin your health and your mind. Growing into an adult is hard enough without giving yourself handicaps.

But notice that none of this has anything to do with masturbating or how often you ejaculate. Other than the fact that you gain the ability to ejaculate while you are growing and the apparent need to ejaculate often is an effect of the hormones causing you to grow.

I'm sorry to say this, but your dad is playing on your fears. In two years you'll be in stage 4 of development. You'll start to put on muscle, which will probably boost your confidence. Your hormones will start to settle down, so the driving need to ejaculate won't be quite so strong then. Those changes will come regardless of how often you ejaculate.

But the advice is bad because your body is going to demand that you ejaculate. You don't need to do it every day, but it does build up. What you will find is that you can't go a year without ejaculating. Most guys can't go a month without an ejaculation and at your age it may be tough to get past a week. The result is that you will decide you are a loser because you can't stop yourself from ejaculating -- never stopping to realize that you are trying to prevent your body from doing what it is designed to do. After several years of beating yourself up, you aren't going to look at yourself well.

You need to relax. Your body is changing. In a few years you are going to have a bigger and stronger body. Keep it healthy by eating good food and exercising. Right at the moment you won't see a great deal of impact, but when the growing starts to slow down, you'll find yourself coordinated and getting stronger rapidly.

I sometimes smoke weed. Does that make a impact with this also or causes it? I know for a fact weed is good but I'll never smoke cigarettes.

Having worked for years helping people get off of marijuana, I can attest that marijuana is not good for the body or the mind. Your memory loss is a direct result of marijuana use.

"Not surprisingly, marijuana intoxication can cause distorted perceptions, impaired coordination, difficulty in thinking and problem solving, and problems with learning and memory. Research has shown that marijuana's adverse impact on learning and memory can last for days or weeks after the acute effects of the drug wear off. As a result, someone who smokes marijuana every day may be functioning at a suboptimal intellectual level all of the time." [NIDA InfoFacts: Marijuana]

"A new study on marijuana and memory may show why pot hampers memory ... Twenty minutes later, the scientists started monitory the activity of certain nerve cells, or neurons, in the rats' brains. Those neurons normally send chemical signals to communicate with each other. The process occurs seamlessly, like musicians playing in sync with each other in an orchestra. But after the cannibinoid shots, the rats' neurons lost their coordination. The neurons sent their chemical signals at the usual rate, but they were out of step with each other, like an orchestra in which musicians play without working together." [Miranda Hitti, "Why Marijuana May Affect Memory"]

I've seen this before in several people. While high and even for months after quitting, they show significant mental impairment. I had one 15 year old who for over six months after quitting could not recall what time it was even though I saw him every week at 1pm on Saturday. There were several times he asked me if he had lunch (lunch was at 12pm). Somewhere around eight to nine months of being clean there was a dramatic change. You would not have known he was the same young man. Years later he slipped up and I suspected it because of the impact on his intelligence.

"Marijuana is classified as a psychedelic drug and contains more than 400 chemicals, many of which are considered carcinogenic (cancer causing) when smoked." []

I find it fascinating that people are adamant that smoking should be banded, while at the same time wanting to legalize a smoked material that is known to be more harmful than tobacco. Personally, I think tobacco should also be banned because of its poisonous qualities. It currently isn't because it doesn't do what marijuana is known to do a person's thinking process.

"According to the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders, Forth Edition (DSM-IV) published by the American Psychiatric Association, the symptoms of addiction fall into three categories:

  1. Compulsion or loss of control - taking more than intended, unsuccessfully trying to stop and spending too much time under the influence or recovering from the drug's effects;
  2. Tolerance - including withdrawal symptoms when drug use is discontinued; and
  3. Impairment - using the drug despite adverse effects and preoccupation with the drug over everything else.

Marijuana is psychologically addictive and can meet all three of these criteria." []

Sadly I've seen this for myself in users. I've dealt with people who tell me they can stop, but they continue to "accidentally" use when it is present. When they use they binge. While under the influence they are zoned out and stupid. When they come down they are belligerent, angry, and rebellious. I've been fighting for a young man whom I care deeply about because his drug use means more to him than his desired career in the military, involvement in his favorite niece's life, and love for his twin brother. He isn't the first who tells me that he knows his usage is ruining his life, but who doesn't want anyone getting between him and his drugs. He tells me he will be able to stop, all the while continuing to use.

"... chronic marijuana use affects judgment, motivation, perception, cognition, and will. In addition, the drug causes an overall deterioration of personality; it leads to an estrangement from the mainstream of life; it lowers performance in all areas; and it leads to a social phenomenon in which users bond together into loose and tightly bound sub-social groups. The effect on the user's family life is frequently devastating." [Harold M. Voth, M.D., Senior Psychiatrist and Psychoanalysts, the Menniger Foundation, Associated Chief of Psychiatry for Education, Veterans Administration, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, School of Medicine, University of Kansas, Rear Admiral, Medical Corps, United States Naval Reserve. "A Psychiatrist's View on Marijuana"]

You mentioned having a lose of confidence, nervousness, and seem to have anxiety problems. These are all known symptoms when a person is coming down from a marijuana high or is withdrawing from marijuana. Again, from what I've seen it takes six to nine months of not using to lose these effects.