The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I have a problem where I orgasm too quickly. I was wondering if it was OK to have and wear sexy underwear.


Answer

Most young men have problems with quick orgasms. What you wear underneath your clothes is up to you, but I'm puzzle why you think the type of underwear you wear will impact the time of your orgasms.

I don't think they will. I was just wondering. How do young people fix the problem.

Just so I know how to approach this:

  • Are you just concerned in general?
  • Are you married and concerned?
  • Are you having sex without being married and concerned?

In general.

First, understand that masturbating and having sex are not the same experience. When boys masturbate, they tend to be in a rush because they want to experience the feeling of orgasm and because they are concerned that someone might walk in on them. Thus, in masturbation everything is focused on the guy, his feelings and his responses.

In sex, this all changes. Intercourse in marriage involves two people and if a guy approaches sex as being all about himself then his wife won't get much enjoyment. It is interesting that the Old Testament had a law: "When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken" (Deuteronomy 24:5). A husband was to spend his first year learning how to make his wife happy. Obviously, in doing so, he too would be happy.

A common complaint from newly married couples is that the husband reaches orgasm and ejaculates too soon. As a result, the wife doesn't feel she gets full enjoyment out of sexual intercourse. The core of the problem typically is that the husband is too focused on his own pleasure. The simple act of focusing on his wife's pleasure changes his responses, slowing them down.

Extending the length of foreplay helps in this matter. The longer the husband is able to experience sexual stimulation without ejaculating, the longer he will be able to last during intercourse. If you place your hands in cool or warm water, you notice the difference in temperature immediately, but after a while the water no longer feels cool or warm. This is because the extended exposure desensitizes the reporting mechanism. Similarly, extending foreplay causes the body to become comfortable with sexual stimulation so that later, during intercourse, the contrast is not as strong.

Extended foreplay also helps the wife if her husband is able to help her achieve orgasm before he enters her. Even if he is unable to delay ejaculating for very long, the wife still has reached the point where her sexual desire has been satisfied.

Another way to delay ejaculation is to have sex more often. A significant contributor to a husband's sexual desire is the amount of semen that has accumulated in the seminal vesicles. The more full the seminal vesicles, the more sexy a man feels, and the quicker he is likely to reach orgasm. If the husband ejaculates too soon, simply wait an hour or so until he is able to achieve an erection again and then start all over. Since he has already emptied a portion of his seminal vesicles, he will last much longer in intercourse.

I feel like I finish quicker because I have a foreskin.

It is true that your foreskin keeps your glans more sensitive to touch. It isn't a bad thing. When it comes time to experience sex with your wife, you feel things that guys with a foreskin won't know they are missing.

But as I mentioned before, when you do get married and start having sex, all you have to do is have sex more often to learn to last longer. It is not something you need to be overly concerned with right now.