The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I have a complex situation right now. My girlfriend is older than me by three years. People at church think I don't "deserve" her. Because I am too young, etc. But the main factor is that my friend used to like her before, and he tried asking her out, but he failed. Some time later, my friend stopped liking her. Then I fell in love with her. But some people think that my friend was a better choice. I am greatly hurt by all this.

In addition, it appears that my girlfriend and I are on our own, and that my friend has the world on his side. People sympathize with him and his close friends and thinks that he deserves it more. What should I do? How can I prove to everyone that I will be the one that's right for her? What can I do? This is getting a big nuisance and I want to set things right.


Answer

It is clear that your friend is envious of your position. Envy and covetousness are both sins which he is guilty of displaying. The biggest flaw being shown is that no one talking about your girlfriend's thoughts on the matter. She is not being considered as a person who makes up her own mind.

Realize that you have nothing to prove to your friends. When it comes to picking someone to marry, the only person who matters is your future spouse. Simply continue dating her. If the two of you decide you want to marry, that is your decision. You really don't need anyone else's support, though it is really good if your parents agree with the match.

Envy and covetousness is something that is destroying your friend from the inside. "A sound heart is life to the body, But envy is rottenness to the bones" (Proverbs 14:30). You can't stop him from what he is feeling. You might be able to warn him that it is not doing him good, but the problem is that if it comes from you, he won't believe you. Therefore, the best thing to do is be polite to him and his friends, but ignore the remarks as not being worth consideration.

That's what I thought Mr. Hamilton. Thank you for your opinion and advice for me.

My friend admit that he was pretty jealous like some times ago. But now he's over it and willing to help me out. And he wishes the best luck of us. I can tell he is sincere. I am happy that I have someone on my side.

Also, my parents do agree with the match, I had asked them ahead of time about getting a girlfriend. They agreed to my request.

But right now it feels like I have to start over getting to know my close friends around me. I can tell that they are all envious of me having a girlfriend. All of my close friends either never had a boyfriend or girlfriend or want to get one. Especially due to the fact that I am younger than they and achieved something that they don't have yet.

I'll try hard to not prove anything to my friends. But there are some things that I have to do to make them "like" me again. Is there anything I can do with the people around me? I am thinking of talking to my pastor on Sunday. I want your advice on like how to have them like me again? Know what I mean? Sorry, I am a person that really wants to be friendly with everyone.

Thank you for replying back to every one of my messages. Thank you for taking some of your time to talk to me. I feel like you are someone I can talk to without having to worry about anything. Like I can talk about almost every issue with you. Thank you so much for being here for me. I hope that you keep replying to me, and I'll keep you informed about my life. God bless! Thanks man. (:

You can never make someone like you. All you have control over is yourself; thus, you can choose to be a likeable person. Your friends will forget about their envy when they eventually get girlfriends and boyfriends of their own.

And, yes, you are always welcome to write. I try to respond as best I can, though I often get behind on my correspondence at times.