The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hi,

I am 14 years old, and I am worried that I am gay. I keep masturbating to gay pornography. I like it, but once I have have finished and have ejaculated, I feel like I will be sent to the devil himself when I die. I am not a very Catholic person, but I don't have my beliefs, and I feel that what I am doing is wrong. I have day dreams about other guys. I even masturbate with other boys and men online over cam, which makes me feel even worse! I don't feel any emotional attachment to another man. I can see myself being with a woman when I am older, but now all I can think about are men's penises and their looks. I have tried so hard to stop so many times that I can't. I don't know what to do or how to stop. I feel like I am betraying everything I believe. Please help me. I don't feel or want to be gay, but I don't know how to stop this gay addiction.


Answer

I'm willing to help, but I can't make you do what is right. I can point you in the right direction, I can listen and encourage you, but ultimately you are going to have to make up your mind whether your body is going to control your life or you are going to control your body.

Homosexual pornography is just the direction you've chosen to express your sexual desires. If you hadn't gone this direction, you likely would be doing similar things with the images of women. Either one is wrong. I'm mentioning this because I want you to understand that see both homosexuality and fornication to be equal sins. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

While you are getting sexual pleasure by masturbating with other people, I don't think you realize that you are being used by these people for their own sexual pleasure. You are being taken advantage of by child molesters, but you don't notice since you are so focused on your own sexual response.

The first step in breaking any habit is recognizing that it needs to change. I know ejaculating feels great, but this is not the way to find that sort of pleasure. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Your vessel is your body. By using it merely for lust, you are not treating yourself with respect. God is saying you deserve better.

The second step is then to end the pornography and sex via webcam. Delete all the contacts you have involved in this and any bookmarks. Install a web filter, such as K9 Web Protection on all your computers and phones and have one of your parents hold the key so it is hard to remove. It isn't perfect, but it should slow you down enough that perhaps you'll think before acting.

When you get those two things done, we can talk more about where you can go from there to turn your life around.

Thank you so much for replying. It has been nearly four days since I've masturbated or watched pornography, I am trying my hardest, and I am most sure that I am now in control of my body. Your kind advice has helped me, so thank you. I shall reply again the this once I have truly felt that I have succedded in stopping what I have or soon to had become. Once again thank you.

Good for you! Now I need to point out that I'm not suggesting that you not ejaculate. Physically you won't be able to not ejaculate, just as you cannot not pee. What we are after is for you not to use pornography of any sort when you do need to ejaculate; that is much more controllable.  See: How do you stop masturbating?

Thank you again! That article really helped!