The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I am not quite sure if I am bisexual or not. I've had my fair share of crushes on females, but I am also turned on by the male body. Why? I never wanted that. Sometimes I worry if I'm more aroused from the male body than I am the female. I want to live out my purpose as a man of God, the way He designed things.  Why do I have this attraction? I know there is that stage of curiosity, but I'm 19 now. Shouldn't I be over that or something? What can I do to be rid of it?


Answer

You are a male. Being a young male means your body easily gets turned on and it really doesn't matter much to the body because all it wants is sex. What annoys me with the homosexual movement is that they've broaden the concept of homosexuality from the act of having sex with someone of the same gender to also include being tempted to have sex with someone of the same gender, or even whether your body gets sexually turned on.

The male body's sexual response is almost mechanical. Anyone could in theory make you erect and eventually ejaculate and your feelings about that person would have nothing to do with your body's response. But what frequently happens is that young men assume that if their penis goes erect, then something must have caused it and they'll latch onto the first possibility that presents itself. You're male and are familiar with the male body. Of course, you know its responses to sex. Thus, anything remotely "sexy" triggers your body's reaction. But it is the general ideas of sex, not you personally having sex with another male, that triggers the response.

As evidence, most teenage boys get a strong reaction when they see a dog or other animal involved in sex. Even an animal cleaning its genitals can trigger a reaction. But we don't instantly decide that we are sexually attracted to animals. In this case most people understand that it is concept that causing the reaction. As a male, it is nothing more than the fact that you are easily turned on.

In the same way, you see some people as sexy -- male or female. Usually it is due to the presentation of sexual situations in the movies or on TV. You can easily imagine yourself in the male role, so seeing the sexy ideal of a male starts the chain of responses. But none of this means you need to pull of your clothes and have sex with the nearest male.

"Bisexual" means you are having sex with both men and women. That isn't true, so you are not bisexual. Because of your body's wide response to sexual ideas you are being tempted with the idea of having sex and at the moment you body doesn't care with whom or what gender. Temptation doesn't define who you are.

I have to admit that does sound about right. I do feel sort of envious when I see a guy more muscular than me, and there is no way I can see me myself engaging in male to male sex because to me it does seem gross and also not right. I get turned off by the idea of kissing another guy or coming in contact with his genitals; yet, I want to feel and touch his body. Is it because I am jealous? I bet you're kind of tired of hearing stories like these as much as you've dealt with.

I never tire of convincing people to live righteously, so that means I must help people deal with temptation in all forms. I can't tell you if your desire and temptation is derived from jealousy or not. I can't read your mind. I can only help you see things in a more realistic light.

Temptation comes through three avenues. "For all that is in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life -- is not of the Father but is of the world" (I John 2:16).

  • Lusts of the flesh are physical desires. Hunger and sex are obvious ones. Wanting to touch something to see what it feels like can be a temptation too.
  • Lusts of the eyes are attractions to beauty. Admiring a flower or a human body can become a lust of the eyes. You can be drawn to things just because of how they look.
  • Pride of life are the things involved in how you see yourself. Wanting to be admired by others can be a source of temptation as well.

None of these things by themselves are particularly wrong. But we have to understand that they are motivators that might change our choices. Sales people understand this. A restaurant makes sure you can smell its food just by walking by. Why? It triggers a desire of the flesh and might tempt you to eat there. Car dealerships spend a lot of time making sure their cars are shiny because that desire for beauty might be the tipping point in getting a sale. Companies tried to inspire pride in the workplace so that employees are more likely to stay.

But Satan uses these same motivators to try and make sin look attractive. He did that to Eve. "So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate" (Genesis 3:6). Notice that he used all three motivators to make it look like a good thing to eat a fruit God said not to eat. It was because of these three basic desires that Eve justified eating the fruit -- it became more than a temptation, it was a lust on her part.

You wonder what it would be like to have a manly body. There is a desire to be admired. You wonder what it would feel like. And you see it as something beautiful. Yet, what is being offered is a covering for committing homosexual sex, which you know is wrong. Because of the attractions, you can easily forget that, wait a minute, having sex with a guy will not give me any of those things! But such is poisoned traps that Satan lays out for us.

Being tempted is a part of this life. You are in a male body that easily responds to all sorts of sexual stimulation. It just has to be something you are on guard against. That the temptation is there doesn't make you what you are being tempted to do.