The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hello,

All right, so my girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. She always has
issues about her boobs being small. I've been honest with her telling her that I love her just the
way she is and she's perfect the way she is, but I see that it's not quite working if she keeps bringing it up. She is also insecure about everything, mostly her body. She thinks later on in the future she won't provide me as much because her boobs are small and that I won't have nothing to grab on. We're both Christians and we putted God before anything in our relationship. She told me she feels more like a guy, since her boobs aren't big enough. What can I do or say to help her stop thinking this way? Is there a way she could stop feeling insecure about herself?

Give me as much advice or suggestions as you can please, anything. Thank you. 


Answer

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward -- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel -- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror" (I Peter 3:3-6).

Many women struggle with insecurities and sometimes men accidentally feed those insecurities by their words or their behavior. If your conversations touch on physical attributes, then she'll walk away with the assumption that physical appearance is important to you and she thinks she comes up short in that arena. If you directly contradict her, then she'll assume you are just saying this to make her feel better. From her point of view, what she thinks is truth, so if you contradict it, then it must be a lie.

If you tell her that breast size doesn't matter to you, but your eyes follow women with large breasts, then she won't believe you. If you are groping her breasts or staring at them, then she has reason to conclude that breasts are important to you. Christians shouldn't be touching others in a sexual way. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). You should be admiring her as a person and not her body.

So when you are with her talk about her attributes that you find attractive. It has to be sincere and it has to be something she can't easily disagree without looking foolish. For example, if she gets an "A" in a course, you can say, "I knew you were smart," because if she tries to disagree then she is saying the teacher was wrong for giving her an "A."

When you are with common friends, complement her to them, especially if she isn't there because word will eventually get back to her. Tell your friends that you like it that your girlfriend keeps herself trim and has a healthy figure, though you would like her in whatever shape she came in. Again, the complements can't sound contrived. They have to be sincerely what you think.