The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hi,

My girlfriend and I were making out, and we were totally nude while doing so. My penis was pressed against her vagina, but we didn't have sex. She and I are both virgins, but when I touched my penis it had that transparent liquid on it. I got some of it on her. My penis was on her vagina entrance, but I did not insert it into her. So please can you tell me: can that get her pregnant? Please help me. I am under a lot of stress.


Answer

A person not wanting to fall of a cliff does not walk along the very edge. If you do not want to end up fathering a child, you don't play around with sex. Sex isn't just when a guy puts his penis into a gal. It is all the actions that lead up to that point as well.

The first problem is restraint. Most young people discount too heavily the strength of their sexual instinct. This is why I constantly get notes from people saying, "I didn't mean for it to go this far," or "I don't know what happened," or "It was an accident." They are the responses of someone who didn't have a healthy respect for the strength of his sexual instinct.

Solomon points out the problem when he asked, "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?" (Proverbs 6:27). You can show a hot coal all the affection you want. You can cuddle it and dote on it and it will still burn you. Your kindness to it doesn't change its nature. How often do you hear someone say, "But I love her!" Solomon's point is that your feelings toward your girlfriend won't change the fact that both of you have built-in desires and capabilities for sex. Trigger them and they follow the instincts built into you.

Solomon also asked, "Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?" (Proverbs 6:28). Using the same example of a hot coal, if you walk on it, it will burn you. You can apologize and say you didn't mean to step on it, but you'll still be hurt because your intentions doesn't change what it is. Thus, the excuse, "But I didn't mean for it to go this far!" becomes an empty one because your intentions doesn't change your body's drive.

That is why Solomon concludes, "So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:29). Though he is talking directly about adultery, the same point is true about fornication. When you start stirring up sexual feelings, you are never innocent when thing go further than you wanted.

That is why we are told not to make room for lust and lewdness. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). Lust is those thoughts and desires you keep battling about taking things even further. Lewdness is engaging in sexual foreplay that gets the body ready for intercourse. The Christian must recognize the danger and not start a sequence of events that can't be legitimately completed.

In answer to your specific question. There can be sperm in your pre-ejaculate fluid, the clear fluid that comes out when you are aroused. It isn't much, but it can be there. The sperm's best survival is when it is dropped of at the back of the vagina, but sperm can swim up the vagina. So the odds are just about zero, but it can't be absolutely zero. Generally the odds are never zero when sex is involved.