I couldn't help myself, but today I watched porn. Second time in the past month. I'm really depressed and there's a lot of things going wrong in my life right now. I know porn isn't the answer. I'm just incredibly frustrated. I'm going mad. I don't even enjoy it all that much. I don't know why I'm doing this! I swore I'd never watch it, but I broke that promise to God and myself twice in the last month! I messed up my exams, my relationship, my mom, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle are fighting and to top it all off, we're in a financial pickle! I'm too embarrassed and scared to even go to God and ask for help after what I did now. I'm turning into the exact opposite of what I wanted to be! I tried to cry but I can't even do that! I don't drink or smoke nor do I do drugs, I only masturbate. But today I watched porn! I feel miserable, and it's how I've been feeling for a long time now. This is getting out of hand.
Please help. I'm so sorry I'm repeatedly troubling you, but I can't tell these things to anyone else. I hope you understand, sir. Thank you.
I do understand and I don't mind hearing from you. Let's back up a bit.
First off, when it comes to sin you can help yourself. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13). It doesn't mean it may not be a struggle, but when we start saying we have no control we are already giving up.
I am guessing that you tried to give up pornography by giving up all ways to ejaculate. If this is true, then you set yourself up for failure because the male body has to ejaculate once in a while. Too often people focus on the action than the actual sin. Pornography is sinful (I Thessalonians 5:3-5). Thinking about having sex with a woman you are not married to is sinful (Matthew 5:28). But God doesn't say that ejaculating semen, by itself, is sinful.
What typically happens is a guy holds off ejaculating until he feels like he is going nutty. Instinct takes over. Knowing that porn can speed up the process, you find yourself seeking the quickest route to relief. Therefore, one trick to self-control is not to wait so long that you feel like you are losing control of yourself. If you need to masturbate in order to ejaculate, do so when you feel the urge for sex getting strong because after the ejaculation it will diminish.
Second, don't trust yourself or your ability to resist. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:12). Put a web filter on your access points, such as your phone and computer. I suggest K9 Web Protection. It is free and can go on must anything that accesses the Internet.
The rest would be better handled if we talked directly.