The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

It can't be that simple. I've been exposed to pornography for so long, that any thought of masturbating brings up bad images in my mind. I once did it in the shower, but it just feels so awkward. 


Answer

You look at it as an all or nothing proposition. The result is that you get tempted regularly and you give in frequently. The reason is that your body needs to ejaculate and if you don't, instinct takes over. Since you built a history of masturbating to pornography, you suddenly find yourself pulling up images, and as you're pulling your pants down you're telling yourself you shouldn't be doing this, but you keep going anyway. When you are done you beat yourself up over your weakness and vow you won't do it again.

I look at it as a series of steps. The first step is to disconnect masturbating from pornography, realizing you can ejaculate without pornographic images. It doesn't have to be in the shower. I just suggest it as a private place where you are less likely to seek out pornography. The second step is to  break the cycle of seeking out pornography when the urge hits by insisting that you masturbate when you notice you are being tempted. Having an Internet filter helps by making it a bit more difficult to bring up the images. This gives you time to teach yourself to recognize when the need is present and to be willing to take care of it without resorting to pornography. The last step is to start battling the lust in your mind. This one is probably the most difficult, but by the time you reach this step it becomes easier because you've stopped adding new images in your brain. Then you replace thoughts of fornication with thoughts of what sex will be like when you get married. When you feel yourself slipping back into bad trains of thoughts, you stop for a while and do it again later. Over time the bad habit is replaced with treating ejaculation much as you do using the bathroom.

Hey Jeff, it's me again. I just wanted to let you know that the "taking care" of business thing and using self-control did work. I feel refreshed and without guilt.

At first, I must admit that I did stumble into porn, but I did not masturbate to it. I just remembered what you told me a few days ago about how your body works and how Satan likes to use that against men to put them into temptation. It's all clear now. It's sad that most of these advertisements have scantily clad girls or sensuous tones underneath. I use Adblock, but it is ridiculous! After the scales come off, I see how bad Satan and his demons are tempting men.

Just remember you are just starting. Habits aren't always easily broken, so don't give up. Each time you slip, look at why and for a defense against it. I'm glad things are improving and you realize you have some control over this aspect of your life.