The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hello,

I've a question, and I don't have anyone to ask. I'm 15 and was in a relation with a girl. She is a Christian and we're of the same nationality and the same age. I was in a relation with her, and I really loved her sincerely. We had no secrets or any problem. I could only see her thrice in a year. We are not in same church. We communiated through email. We wanted to be one in the future, that is get married. My parents have insisted on some qualifiations like she should be Christian, she should be holy, she should be born in my state, have a good family, be born again, should not be arrogant, etc. There is nothing as against her; she doesn't lack at any of these demands.

One day we had to break up because both of our parents were against it (my parents are bit orthodox). They scolded me up for being in a relationship and told me that it is not the right time to be in a relationship.

Now what I want to ask you is: Is it wrong to pray for her, or is it wrong to ask God for her to be my future wife? I am not a big sinner. I haven't sinned recently. I am baptized and trying my best to live a holy life. I have a good relationship with God. Will God accept my prayer? I love my God, and I don't think that God will disappoint me. God loved us, and He gave His only Son, Jesus, to save us from our sins. Loving God that much, will He disappoint me by giving someone else to me? I am really faithful to God. Will He not grand my wish?


Answer

Seeing a person three times a year and communicating with them regularly is a friendship, not a relationship. A relationship implies some exclusiveness and expectations of future commitment. Perhaps you and she were heading in that direction, but you were trying to get too serious about this girl too quickly. I suspect that your parents were afraid that in rushing this relationship you were likely to fall to temptation. They were probably also concerned that by focusing on this girl you would neglect your studies.

At fifteen, it is too soon to fix your decision in regards to who you will marry. It would be proper to say that right now it looks likely that you will want to marry her, but let's assume you will marry when you are 21. That means it will be seven years (half your lifetime) before the wedding. A lot can happen between now and then. If you two are still close friends in a year or two from when you think it is likely that you will marry, then would be the time to start talking about whether the two of you would like to spend the rest of your lives together.

My guess is that you think you'll lose her if you don't lock your bid for her right now. That is a sign of impatience, and perhaps some immaturity.

In regards to God, why are you qualifying your respect for God based on Him giving into your demands? There are times a parent must give a child what he needs and not what he wants. There are times a parent has to tell a child "no" because the child doesn't realize what he is asking for. God is the perfect Father of us all. Ask God for a good wife who will make you a stronger servant of God. You can tell God that you currently hope that it is this girl, but acknowledge the fact that you don't know everything, so what is more important to you is to serve Him better. Otherwise you'll be like a son whose father gives him a brand new car and is disappointed because the car isn't the color he wanted. Such a son would be an ungrateful brat. Don't become an ungrateful son of God because your Father doesn't give you everything exactly as you imagined.

Okay. Thanks for telling me the right thing. So now it's too early, I am too young, not grown up. I give everything to God's hand. But what I wish is not impossible, there are chances. It's going to disappoint me a lot if it doesn't happen. Anyway, thanks for taking time to read this and thank you for replying.