The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I don't think I should masturbate anymore. I don't want to burn in hell for it. I appreciate all the help and the support you give to all the young men on your web site concerning growing up in the Lord, but this is my personal opinion. I don't want to masturbate any more because it feels wrong, deep down inside. I feel as though when I ejaculate, it brings back old memories and incredible amounts of shame. I feel like when I finish, I regurgitate years of viewing porn and bondage. I think God frowns on me and sighs to Himself as if I fell off the path.

Please Jeff, don't take this personal. I just think there are better alternatives to releasing sexual tension. Exercise, a hot shower, or constant prayer could work according to one web site. I don't know how true these are, but I really am nervous about advising others to masturbate without viewing porn.

I prayed about this and as I'm writing this question, I'm second guessing myself. Is it right or not? If all else fails, I'll re-read your past answers on masturbation.

Thanks for being a great mentor!


Answer

I don't tell guys they have to masturbate. I only point out that God does not call masturbation, by itself, a sin. People don't have a right to decide for themselves what is right or wrong. If you don't want to masturbate, that is perfectly fine. That is your personal decision. But to claim that God will condemn you because you masturbated is false because the claim is not based on what God said. (This is not to be construed that pornography is acceptable; it isn't, God said it is a sin in I Thessalonians 4:3-5.)

One of the following will result:

  • Wet dreams will take over to provide the outlet your body needs
  • You'll have spontaneous ejaculations
  • You'll feel like you are going nuts and eventually find yourself compulsively masturbating

The one thing you can't prevent is ejaculating. The male body requires it by God's design. What I hope is if the third thing happens is that you don't go back to pornography while you are unable to think clearly.

And if you find yourself unable to resist masturbating, don't beat yourself up over not being able to keep your own personal rules. "Do not be overly righteous, nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself? Do not be overly wicked, nor be foolish: Why should you die before your time? It is good that you grasp this, and also not remove your hand from the other; for he who fears God will escape them all" (Ecclesiastes 7:16-18).

All right Jeff, I give. You were right. I don't think I can hold out on masturbation. I don't mean that in a "it's controlling my life way", but it was hard to avoid.

One night, I felt pent up with tension and I actually bypassed the blocker to get to some voyeuristic porn. However, I knew what was going to happen next. So, I quickly removed myself from the computer and went to the bathroom to handle it. I did not lust or fantasize about any woman or any sexual act. I just went at it, and found out that I had a lot more semen than what I thought.

What I think dragged me down into the porn, however, was consistent research on 'nudism and the lifestyle.' We spoke about that before, but I fear that it's so deceivingly good to listen to, that I often forget. I would read the posts and see the videos about nudism, and before I know it, I'm viewing naked girls.

But anyway, that's the past. Despite all that though, I still asked God for forgiveness because I still viewed pornography and spent hours searching for a legalistic viewpoint. But anyway, did I enact what you said properly?

The real problem is that you are trying to find how close you can get to sin without crossing the line. It just doesn't work that way. See: Light and Dark.

The problem is that you tend to creep closer because you tell yourself that nothing happened the last time. For instance, though you say you did not lust you weren't being honest with yourself. You lusted while looking at the porn, which got you sexually aroused, but then masturbated without looking. So lust was there, just not at the moment you were masturbating.

Lust is also what is driving you to look into nudism. And as you found out, it is almost no time before you are looking at naked girls and porn.

"Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).

This isn't a maybe or sometimes sort of thing. Pornography is wrong. You must not look at naked girls until you look at your wife you just married. "I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon a young woman?" (Job 31:1).

Yeah you're right. I guess I was so allured by playing with fire (sin), I got burnt. I just thought that I could still get away with it.

I have to tell you, Jeff, I feel more honest about my flaws. I don't mean to flaunt them or glorify them, but I don't feel as though I have to masquerade like I'm not having any of these problems. And that was a nice verse about not setting your eye on younger girls in a lustful or distracting way.

With that said, I can only wish that I will have a beautiful and God-fearing wife!

God-fearing women tend to be attracted to God-fearing men.