The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

How do I stop ejaculating? I ejaculate every night. But when I do I don't get aroused for women, I think of men. I'm not gay, and I don't know what to do?


Answer

There is an important fact that you are missing. The human body is designed to eat, drink, sweat, urinate, have bowel movements, etc. These functions are there for a purpose. To try and stop causes problems because the body needs to accomplish its functions. Ejaculating is not an option. You can put it off for a while, but eventually it has to happen.

Here is why: You have two glands just below your bladder that produces a thick sugary fluid called semen. These glands aren't fast, but they produce semen constantly so that a sufficient quantity is available when needed. They don't have an off switch. All that can be varied the rate in which semen is produced. The more often you are sexually aroused, the faster they produce semen, just in case it is needed.

Eventually the glands get full since there is only so much semen that can be stored. As the limits are reached, signals are sent out to tell the body that ejaculation is needed. You perceive those signals as a building desire for sex -- even when you aren't certain exactly what sex is. That desire continues to increase until something gives. Either you masturbate; have a wet dream; or if you put it off a really long time, you'll have a spontaneous ejaculation. This then gets rid of the older semen and makes room for more semen.

The act of ejaculation is a series of stages that are inter-related but not always absolutely necessary. Arousal increases your blood pressure and changes the sphincter muscles at the base of your penis to cause it to inflate. This increases the surface area where you are very sensitive to touch. Touch in turn sends signals back that increases the arousal. Somewhere along the line the body prepares a batch of semen to be ejaculated in the ejaculatory duct. And at the critical point, muscles are triggered to shot the semen out of the penis and with this signals are sent that causes the intense feeling of pleasure that is called orgasm.

Many guys use images that they connect with sex to kick start the cycle -- to get the brain to start the arousal sequence. Those images do not necessarily need to be of the opposite sex. The brain isn't choosy. That is why you hear of some guys getting sexually excited over things like shoes. Since there are two halves to a sexual relationship, it isn't unheard of for guys to find what they are familiar with (guys) more stimulating at first than what they know little about (gals). For others, it is the unknown that is more stimulating. But none of this says you want to have sex with another guy.

What you may not realize is that you don't need the kick start to achieve an ejaculation. As proof, I often ask a guy if the first time they ejaculated involved any particular images. Most of the time it does not. What I encourage all guys is to not get involved in tying your sexual excitement to anything. Sure, it is harder. You probably end up with some wild wet dreams if you avoid masturbation. What is never allowed is pornography. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5).