The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hi,

I want to ask something about masturbation. Can you tell me how to stop masturbation? I don't know why I really like women's feet. I can't stop masturbating to them. Sometimes I am ashame of myself when I pray to God. Help me, please.


Answer

What I tell guys is to first disconnect masturbation from what is being used to trigger sexual arousal -- in your case it is women's feet. Masturbation, but itself, is not called sinful by God. See: Is masturbation sinful or not? It is what guys use to masturbate to that is wrong.

Typically a guy tries to quit all forms of ejaculating to stop their fetish or desire for pornography. It doesn't work because the body's need to ejaculate drives them to seek relief.

Let me illustrate it this way: Suppose a guy has a bad habit of eating lots of junk food that is bad for him. As a result he gets fat and the doctor tells him he needs to lose weight. If he decided to stop eating completely, will it be affective? The clear answer is "no" because the body needs food. The craving for food will become overwhelming and when he gives in to eat, what food will he most likely turn to? The one he is most familiar with -- junk food -- and typically he will over indulge.

For the same reason, you have two seminal vesicles that produce semen constantly. There is limited storage capacity, so once in a while you need to ejaculate the old semen to make room. The average male needs to ejaculate twice a week, though between guys, the frequency varies a lot. That ejaculation can come from sex (but that is not allowed until you get married), from masturbation, or from wet dreams. All a wet dream is is a guy instinctively masturbating in his sleep.

If you try to end your foot fetish with quitting ejaculating, eventually the body will become desperate for a release -- often within two weeks to a month. Instinct will take over, but you will go to what you are most familiar with to get relief, which is looking at women's feet for you. Then you will beat yourself up and say you have no will  power, and then the cycle starts all over again.

What I suggest doing is first break the connection. Purposely masturbate when you feel the need to look at feet, but do it without looking at women's feet. At first it will feel awkward and hard to do. Don't worry about it. If you can't ejaculate then, try again later. However, never allow yourself to indulge in your fetish. Over time (usually about two months or so), the images fade and you know when you are getting full and need to ejaculate, yet you don't feel driven to indulge in your fetish. When you get to that point, you can then begin to work on your lusts and mental images. When you get that mostly under control, you can then try to train yourself to have wet dreams instead of masturbating -- though I should warn you in advance that many guys who have masturbated a lot are unable to switch to wet dreams for a number of reasons.

Thanks for your solution! I've tried to stop masturbating but I got nowhere. I'll try your suggestion. Thank you very much.