The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hello,

Thanks for replying my question.

About three weeks ago, I fooled around with my sister (which was absolutely incest), which I was really guilty now. I was not sure whether I ejaculated into her as I used the method of withdrawal. I am afraid that my sister would be pregnant, but she still doesn't have menarche (her first period).

After that day, I kept praying to God. One night I had a dream of being kept in jail because I committed this crime. I hope God is telling me that: If you do this again next time, this will be your consequence. (I hope my thought was right.) Then, I kept telling God that: "If you don't help me, please kill me tonight. Or else, if I am still here the next day, you must help me or the thing's over." Also I told him He can't change His choice. I used the pray that I listed above for three nights, and I got the same answer. He didn't kill me, which means that He will help me. But I was still really afraid, so I decided to mail to you.

I knew I was really wrong and I was totally guilty (100%). But then there are three questions to ask you:

  • Is there any chance that she would be pregnant? She had some clear, vaginal discharge last week. She wasn't sure, so it may be urine. My sister said thatĀ "some semen came out from her vagina, but she doesn't know that if it is urine". But I thinkĀ  it should be vaginal discharge or urine.
  • If she is pregnant, can God help me to take away her baby (in a safe and sound way)? I can do anything if God helps me.
  • Can God give me one more chance (forgive me)?
  • Can He help me to make it a secret by not telling it to others, like my mum or other people, so that I will not be in jail?

I am really desperate, as I knew I committed a crime. I really don't want to go to jail as I am still at a young age (pre-teen). I promised God that I will change my habits, especially in the area of pornography. I knew I did something wrong, and I really need your help.

Thank you and hope you can reply as soon as you can.


Answer

What I would really like to do is talk with you directly, but that might be difficult to arrange.

Let's start at the beginning. Yes, what you and your sister did was wrong. Broadly it falls under the category of fornication -- having sex when you are not married. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Specifically it was incest, which remains against the law in most countries.

Even though you are young, you are still old enough to understand that you should not have done this. You are responsible for where you put your penis. Therefore, whatever the consequences that come from this sin, you have accept responsibility for it because no one made you have sex with your sister.

What came out of your sister's vagina was not urine. Women have a separate opening for the bladder (unlike men). Most likely what was seen was vaginal fluid, which women get when having sex, or vaginal fluid mixed with your semen. That your sister is producing vaginal fluids is an indication that she is getting close to having her menarche.

Normally a woman finds out if she is pregnant if she misses her next menstrual cycle by more than two weeks. The problem is that you sister hasn't had a menstrual period, so there is no cycle to based this on. Is it possible for her to get pregnant before her first period? The answer is yes, because an egg is released 14 days before her next period begins. If she has her menarche, she is definitely not pregnant. About the only way you can tell for sure is to wait about a month and then ask her to take a pregnancy test.

If a baby was conceived, you are asking God to cover up your sin by killing another human being. That would go against God's nature. While it is unlikely that your sister ended up pregnant, the fact remains that if she did get pregnant, you will have to tell your mother about what happened. As hard as it is, you would have to own up to your sin because it was you who put your penis where it didn't belong.

Generally the consequence of incest in preteens is not jail, but it would be highly likely that you would be removed from your home to prevent you from continuing to do this to your sister. Again, if such happens, you must accept that it is another consequence that came from your sin.

Will God forgive you? Of course! But it means that you have stop playing around with sin. I don't know if you have become a true Christian or not, but I would like you to read How to Become a Christian.

I assume it is the pornography that put these evil ideas into your head. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). In regards to pornography, I am willing to help you break away from this sin, if you are willing to commit to the effort to change your habits.

Should you tell your mother. Changes have to be made so you two don't fall back into this sin. I have no idea how your mother will take the news since I don't know her. I imagine that things will get quite heated for a while. Even though you know it is coming, you need to tell her anyway. If nothing else, consider it another consequence of your sin. Meanwhile, I hope you and I can continue to talk.

Hi,

I was just saw your email. Thank you so much for replying me.

I have harsh parents. If I have my sister take a pregnancy test, they must know that. But my sister doesn't have any early pregnancy symptoms. I have done many on line pregnancy tests. All of them say that my sister's result is negative, which I was really not sure that are they reliable.

I am a minor, and if I incest, according to the law I would be put in jail. I am really afraid of this. I promised God that I would change all my bad habits using my biggest effort.

What I just want is my sister is not pregnant. And I am very afraid to tell my parents about this time's event as I was my second time. The first time they forgave me, but I didn't learn from my mistakes. This time, I knew I might be in trouble. So I was really freaking out!

What shall I do? Nothing! Only God must help me. I thought, as He created us, and He can also control us. My sister and I were "kind-of" Christians. We sometimes go to church and learn more about God. I just hope God can help me. I am willing to change my habits, and I really hope God can help me take away the baby, as He can do anything! I am willing to have any consequence after He helps me, e.g. having a punishment when I arrive heaven. I just hope God can help me take away the baby. This is my only hope as I can't take my sister to abortion as it is prohibited in the law. What should I do? I just hope God can help me take away the baby.

I have something extra to ask to you too. Approximately what is the percentage that my sister will be pregnant? I was really scared and frightened. She actually found the vaginal discharge after her pee, so that it might be pee, either from her bladder or vagina. I am afraid that she might be pregnant, although I still haven't seen her menarche, but her breasts are a bit sore (I know this is normal when breasts are developing). I was really freaking out.

I just want to know it she is pregnant. Although it is unlikely that she will be pregnant, what is the percentage? Are there any hints for ovulation before the menarche? Are there hints that 100% that appear for pregnancy at early stage?

I hope you reply soon. Thanks!

P.S. I just hope God will (must) help me take away the baby. I kept praying to Him. Hope He believes me that I must change myself in front of Him, so that He can take away the baby. I hope this time He won't follow His nature for one time, as I don't want my family to be separated.

Thanks!

I read some summaries of the laws in your country. Because of your age, I'm uncertain what laws would apply if this situation went to court. What I would rather focus on is getting you out of sin. I know that right now your biggest concern is not being caught with irrefutable evidence that you committed incest.

The odds are very small that your sister is pregnant. I can't put an exact number on it. It isn't zero, but it isn't big either.

The problem is that you are a child playing around with adult behaviors. The time a person decides not to have a child is before he has sex. Once you engage in sex, you are responsible if a child results, whether that was your intention or not. Now that you engaged in sex, you are asking God to cover up your sin. I don't know what He will decide in your case. But I agree that you need to change, and rapidly, and it doesn't matter whether your sin is discovered or not. It is because you are sinning that you need to change. You can't get to heaven continuing in sexual sins. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). You have to deal with the consequences of your choices here on earth regardless of what consequences actually happen.

You cannot "fix" a sin by committing additional sins. Killing a child through an abortion is just as wrong as you committing incest. "And why not say, "Let us do evil that good may come"? --as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8). If a child had result from your sin, it isn't the child's fault that you sinned.

It isn't that you are permanently marked as a sinner. You can and must change. "And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11). I'm willing to help you change, but you'll have to put in the effort to change.