The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hello,

Let me start off by saying I am a strong follower of God and so is my girlfriend. We are both in our late teens. When we first meet it felt like we had known each other forever and things shot off from there. We feel very strongly about each other and recently she told about some things that had happen in her past. She has only had one other boyfriend and that boyfriend pushed her into giving him her virginity.

Purity is a big thing for me, and I really love this girl. She is the sweetest, most caring girl I've come to meet! I'm having a very hard time dealing with knowing that I won't be her first if we one day get married.

She regrets it all and wishes she could go back and change things. She has asked God for forgiveness and a second chance and understands what she let happen was wrong.

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this and I'd really love to hear what a person of God has to say. I have prayed about this for a while and so far I have had some change in feelings for the better. I asked my minister to speak with me, but he never has the time. I don't want to lose this girl and she doesn't want to lose me. How should I feel? What should I do about my feelings? Please help me.

Thank you so much for what you do.


Answer

I congratulate you on your love for God and your self-control. She made a huge mistake, which she regrets. It took a lot of nerve to tell you about it and it shows the depth of her love since she knew you might have a hard time knowing about it. The question is do you forgive her? Not merely with words but in truth. To forgive is to put it aside as if it didn't happen.

You saved yourself for the one woman whom you love and will marry. That is an immense gift that you and she can both enjoy, so take satisfaction in gift you are able to bring to your future marriage. But don't let pride in what you have been able to accomplish get in the way. Focus on what you are joyfully giving.

If she had sex because of a momentary weakness, regretted it and has completely turned way from such a life, then it doesn't matter that she has sinned in her past. "Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; according to Your mercy remember me, for Your goodness' sake, O LORD" (Psalms 25:7). If God completely absolves her of her sins, why should you hold those sins against her?

If you aren't careful, you are going to see yourself competing with phantoms of her past. She left her past boyfriend for a good reason. That is why she changed. The one she cares about is the one she marries and has given her life to. That man could be you.

I cannot even to begin to say how thankful I am to have found your web site. Your response makes things a lot easier for me. I do forgive her. It was a mistake and I know that. I don't hold anything against what she did in her past.

It feels like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders! I will continue with our relationship as if it didn't happen and give her everything I have to offer!

Thank you so much for what you do! I'm sure it helps a lot of people as it has helped me! God bless you!