The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Hey Jeff,

I'm 14 years old. I've been reading these questions other people have asked on here about masturbation. I know that masturbating to pornography is wrong and I've never done it. I've noticed that you've said masturbation is not necessary. I'm busy with school on weekdays, so I do it every weekend because of urges that occur. My question is: When do I know to masturbate without having wet dreams? I've never had one.

Another question I have is when I was 6 or 7, I licked this guy's penis. Does that mean I'm gay?


Not everyone has wet dreams, but all males need to ejaculate. You have two seminal vesicles that constantly produce semen. Eventually they get full and the supply needs to be reduced to make room for new semen. How fast you produce semen depends on your body and how often you get aroused. The speed in which you produce semen will vary also over different periods of your life. It is common for young males to ejaculate frequently and for older males to ejaculate less often.

You know you need to ejaculate when the urge for sex rises to a distracting level. If you are among those who have wet dreams, this is taken care of for you while you sleep. During a dream cycle you masturbate in your sleep. For those who aren't able to have a wet dream or who wake up before the wet dream reaches orgasm, masturbation is the primary way of triggering an ejaculation.

You ask as if "gay" is a permanent label. What you did when you were young was an act of homosexuality, which is a sin. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11). While homosexuality can keep a person out of heaven, just as fornication or adultery, a person doesn't have to remain in his sin. People can and do change.

In addition, given your age, it would have been before you had reached puberty and while you were still unaware of the nature of sin and your responsibility. What you did would have been to please the guy who wanted you to lick his penis. In words, he is the one responsible for this sin and he took advantage of your innocence for his own pleasure. "Then He said to the disciples, "It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones" (Luke 17:1-2).