I recently have been trying to quit masturbation and porn because I noticed that it was an endless cycle: the more I did, the more I wanted. I didn't know why.
However, even though I knew it wouldn't be easy, I'm literally going crazy. I know it's strange, but even simply going anywhere became a "torture" to me, just only glancing at girls or thinking about something sensual or even just figuring out cuddling. The more I try not to watch them to avoid these feelings the more I become frustrated and tensed. The situation is worsened by the fact that I'm also really drawn by female body features that aren't usually sexualized, and so left uncovered and exposed by women, such as feet, hands, shoulders, nails, navel, even ears. Someone would think: how could be someone attracted by ears? Come on! It makes women real "walking temptations."
In addition, having no partner, I have no emotional or physical release, so sometimes I feel like I could explode and want to smash my head on the wall and die. The urge is really strong and makes me mad, exhausted, angry and a little sleepless.
As strange as it is, I don't seem to have wet dreams though the extreme tension I have built inside. I only had one a week ago, sensing, however, no tension decrease after at least a year of time from the last one, so I can't feel even that slight relief that would provide having such dreams frequently. I don't even emit pre-ejaculation fluid (I don't know if this is normal) during the annoying frequent erections I have. I usually let out sperm all at once at the ejaculation phase. Basically my body doesn't release semen without stimulation, so I feel an incredible urge to let out the pressure that I can't satisfy because I chose to stop masturbating.
I want to specify anyway that though I have this inner tension, I haven't become a drooling beast. I can keep control in front of others. I wanted to know what the best solution would be, or any suggestions to my situation, considering that I had (and have) really severe depression and this tension is only exhausting me more.
Like others, you tried to solve the problem of pornography by moving to an extreme position in the other direction. You feel the tension and recognize the need for your body to ejaculate, but you prevent it for fear of going back into pornography. You did have one wet dream, but you are so backed up and overfull that the ejaculation didn't give sufficient relief. I suspect that you do begin wet dreams, but you wake up while they are in progress and stop.
Yet, all of this frustration is self-imposed. Pornography is condemned in the Bible (I Thessalonians 4:3-5), but masturbation, by itself, is not called sinful. People only assume it is sinful, but they do so without evidence from the Bible.
The simple solution is just accept the fact that you are male and that men need to ejaculate once in a while. When the need is present, you take care of the need, just as you would, say empty your bladder when it is full. You don't do it just for the pleasure, nor do you use pornography to get yourself stirred up sexually, but if the need is present you take care of it.
Yes, it ejaculation requires physical touch in order for it to occur. That is just the way God made the male system. The amount of pre-ejaculate fluid produced by men vary, so it isn't surprising that you don't see any.
By choosing to not ejaculate, you are actually choosing to take a path where you have less self-control over your body. Such "craziness" may lead you into sin.
Thanks very much for the reply. However, I wanted to specify that I rarely wake up in the night excited, and not near ejaculation anyway, although I wake up frequently for other reasons.
Frequent interrupted sleep can also interfere with having wet dreams.