Thank you for taking the time to read my email.
Back when I was 11 I started to discover masturbation, and soon after, pornography! Then at around 16 I became a Christian (or at least I think so). It is now 2, nearly 3 years later, and I am still struggling with these sins, so much so that I strongly believe I have become an addict. I do not want to live like this, I have been battling these sins for too long now, with no hope of release. I know this addiction is wrong, I know it is sinful. But I still continue to fall in to it.
Now I am starting to doubt my salvation, or if I even had one to begin with. Doesn't the Bible say that we are not to continue in sin like this, and that no one born of God does? Does this mean I am not of God? Have I lost my salvation forever due to my wilful sinning for years? Am I past the hope of forgiveness? Does there remain no longer any sacrifice for my sins because I wilfully persisted in them for so long?
Well, now I don't want this anymore. I want forgiveness and salvation and to inherit the kingdom of God. I don't want this sin anymore. I want to be free for its poison. I find myself lusting after women every day, constantly fighting. Sometimes I win, but more than not, I fail to resist.
I need to know if there is hope for me, or am I too far gone? Was I even a Christian to start with or, will I be one of those who cry out "Lord, Lord," but only to hear him say that he never knew me, to turn away you who practice iniquity.
I need to make clear, that I don't want to be an addict to pornography, masturbation and lust anymore. I am even selling my phone soon, just to try and stop the pornography addiction, but the lust still stands. Oh, what do I do brother? My heart is broken and my spirit yearn to feel his forgiveness and presence again. I want freedom, not this disgusting sin anymore.
Please, please help me.
I would like you to start out reading the following regarding pornography:
What I typically find is that men often associate their need to ejaculate (which is a bodily function) with lust and pornography. What then happens is that when they try to quit pornography, they go to an extreme and try to stop ejaculating as well. But the male body has to ejaculate once in a while. They manage to hold out for a while, perhaps a week, two weeks, or a month, but eventually the body becomes desperate and instinct takes over. The quickest way to ejaculation is through the familiar route of pornography, so they pull it up while pulling down their pants. They may even be thinking that this is wrong and they shouldn't be doing it, but they can't manage to stop -- until orgasm hits and they get relief from ejaculation. Then the cycle repeats and meanwhile they are convinced that they are the worse sinners in the world because they have no control.
Next, I want you to read the following regarding masturbation:
The "trick" if you will to overcoming pornography is to realize that you don't need it. You can take care of your body's needs without ever corrupting your mind with trash. See: Giving up pornography can't be that simple. In this way you gain what you are lacking at the moment, which is self-control.
Once we address this issue and get you started on the right track, we can then take up the topic of salvation and forgiveness, which I am eager to do. I hope to hear from you soon.