The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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I am 25 years old. I have done gay sex many times. Three times I have had anal sex with guys with big penises, which really hurt me later, though at the time of the sex I enjoyed it. Later I felt so much guilt that I felt like committing suicide but I know suicide is not the solution. I am attracted to girls, so why do I watch gay porn? Sometimes I masturbate and dwell on having gay sex. I masturbate twice or three times a week. I have no issues ejaculating when I masturbate in my shower.

From the day when I was being used for anal sex, my penis has not been getting as hard as before. Whenever I eat, I immediately need to go to the toilet. It feels like something has gone wrong with my metabolism. My weight and height is normal. I'm not fat or slim.

I don't want to be gay. I'm not gay at all. Please help me get rid of this. I'm worried that my penis not getting so hard may cause harm in my married life later. I love my girlfriend like any thing. I don't know, but some people say it's called bisexuality, but in an inner corner of my heart I know that I'm straight. Can you help me to be straight totally? Please? 

Do I need a doctor as I'm not so wealthy that I can afford a good doctor's fees. Any help that I can get?  

Thanks in advance.


People have accepted the false idea that homosexuality is built into a person. The Bible doesn't describe it this way. It is consistently called a sin. "Realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person, but for those who are lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers and immoral men and homosexuals and kidnappers and liars and perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound teaching" (I Timothy 1:9-10). We realize that people choose to rebel, swear, kill, steal, and lie; yet, the claim is that homosexuality is different. Strangely, the evidence in study after study is that homosexuality is an individual choice, but the results are denied and the search continues for some motive external to the person to explain why some men choose to have sex with other men.

I trust the Bible and accept the fact that homosexuality is a sin. It is no different than a guy choosing to have sex with a girl or a married woman. All are equally wrong. The solution to the problem of uncontrolled sex is the same.

First, you have to stem the source of your lust for this sin. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:21-23). You cannot stop your homosexual acts while constantly looking at pornography. Therefore, the first step is to stop looking at pornography of any sort. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). If you need to masturbate, do so without pornography or thinking about sexual sins. At first it will feel awkward and won't feel as satisfying. Stick with it and it will settle into a routine that doesn't involve sin.

Second, it sounds like damage was done to your rectum from the guys putting their penises in you. The best way for that to heal is to stop the acts that have caused the damage. Hopefully over time it will heal.

A greater concern is that you have very likely picked up a disease from your sexual encounters. These can not only damage your health, but some can cause you to become infertile. Though a doctor is expensive, it would be worth having a doctor check you for sexually transmitted diseases and to get treatment for any that you have.

What is really required for you to change is a decision on your part to change. It can't be imposed on you. You have to want to be different. "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). What I urge you to do is commit to no longer having sex until the day you marry the woman you love.

Thanks a ton for your advice.

This feeling comes to me most often when I'm alone in a room with my one friend. We do have sex, but it's not actually sex, we just lie down on each other. No kisses, no smooches, nothing. We just keep it to touching each others penis and that's it. I know that is also wrong but I can't help it. Please suggest something on this.

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it" (I Corinthians 10:13).

You are not being truthful when you say you can't help it. You don't have to be alone in a room with your friend. You don't have to take off your clothes. You don't have to touch each others penis. You are both doing this by choice. You prefer the physical pleasure even though you know what you are doing by masturbating each other is wrong.

As I pointed out before, no one can make you leave homosexuality. You have to choose to end the practice. When dealing with sin, you cannot start something that ends in sin. Thus, if your friend is going to tempt you to sin with him, then you need to stop being alone with him.

OK. Thanks a ton for your advice.