The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I am 22 years old, but I still have wet dreams about twice in a week. I don't get embarrass when I wake up, but I do get annoyed that I may be possessed with a spirit wife, though I don't have sexual intercourse in my dreams. All I do in my dreams is touch naked people's private parts -- sometimes men, sometimes women -- and immediately when I touch them, I ejaculate. I feel it physically and wake up, but then continue sleeping knowing that before I wake up it will have dried up and in the morning I will wash my night wear.

I repented a few years ago. Before I repented and gave my life to Christ, I was into terrible sins and immoral acts. I watched porn movies, masturbated, was into homosexuality, fornicated and into severe immoral thoughts (I would undress a person in my thoughts).  But by God's grace I stopped them all. I do them no longer. I have not done them again.

But since the middle of last year I always have easy erections. Any little thing and my penis gets erect. And since that time I always have wet dreams. But the annoying part is that when I mistakenly see a naked picture, such as a half naked lady wearing a bikini in a movie or advertisement poster, I quickly get a serious urge for sex, and I get an erection. By the grace of God I have been overcoming it.

I need your advice on how to stop the wet dreams, the quick erections and the urge for sex. Sometimes my spirit tells me the only way to get rid of it is to get married, but I don't want to get married until I am 25 years old. Please, how can I control myself and my feelings?


Answer

When people don't know a reason for something happening, or sometimes when they would rather not go into explanations, a made up story is offered. Thus, we still talk in the United States about the stork bringing a baby or someone might jokingly referred to finding a baby under a cabbage leaf. I can see these stories being told to children to deflect having to talk about sex and childbirth. The idea of a "spirit wife" is similar. It gives an explanation to why a guy has wet dreams but it is just a made up story.

So let's talk about your body briefly. All males after reaching a certain point in their development start producing semen in their seminal vesicles. These glands, located just under your bladder, constantly produce the thick sugar fluid that nurishes your sperm just prior and after ejaculation. The production rate varies between individuals and will vary at different points in your life, but eventually the storage capacity of the seminal vesicles will be reached. The older batches of semen needs to be ejaculated to make room for fresher batches.

As your seminal vesicles get full, they signal the need for ejaculation by releasing hormones that raise your sensitivity to sexual ideas. It starts out low, but gradually increases to the point where sex intrudes on your daily thoughts. Ignore the signal long enough and you start to feel yourself going nutty and doing inappropriate things as instinct tries to take over and get an ejaculation accomplished. Once you ejaculate, the cycle resets and gradual build up starts all over. For the average male, this takes place roughly twice a week, though it can be as frequent as daily to as infrequent as once a month.

Sex is one way to empty your seminal vesicles, but that is only available to a guy after he gets married. Prior to marriage, ejaculations take place through wet dreams or masturbation. Wet dreams are mentioned in Deuteronomy 23:10-11. Leviticus 15:16-18 mentions different situations where an ejaculation takes place. In Leviticus 15:18 it means ejaculation during sex. Leviticus 15:16 then covers ejaculations that aren't related to sex, such as wet dreams and masturbation. For an Israelite under the Law of Moses, a male ejaculating made him unclean for a day, regardless of cause of the ejaculation. Being unclean was not a sin; for example, women were unclean when they had their monthly blood flows. But the laws of uncleaness were used to teach about the nature of sin. See: Uncleanness for more details.

Isolated by itself, sex is neither right nor wrong. Sex between a husband and wife is right. Sex between people who are not married to each other is wrong (Hebrews 13:4). Masturbation can be viewed the same way. As a means of relieving yourself, it is neither right nor wrong. However, using lust or pornography to sexually excite yourself so you can masturbate would be wrong (Romans 13:13-14; I Thessalonians 4:3-5).

When your seminal vesicles get full, your body can decide to relieve the pressure by masturbating in your sleep. This is done without conscious thought -- it is instinctively built into men. As you dream you naturally get erections. Your brain notices you are sexually aroused and pulls up images that it has connected with sexual ideas -- some of which can be very bazzar. The images are based on things you have seen and done in the past. You can't remove these from your brain, but you can avoid adding new fuel to the fire. These thoughts further arouse you and eventually leads to you masturbating in your sleep.

Erections come when the body thinks there is a potentially sexual situation. Early on the body tends to over classify events as sexual. As you get older this calms down. However, when your seminal vesicles are full, you are extra sensitive to sexual ideas and erections tend to happen more often. By itself, an erection means nothing. You don't have to act on the fact that you have an erection. You can ignore them and they will eventually calm back down.

Temptation is also something that you can't avoid. Satan is in the world and he is trying to lead people astray. Therefore, everyone will face temptations. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13). What God promises is that every temptation that you face is not unique to you. Thousands of other men have faced similar temptations -- some successfully overcoming it and others failing. He also promises that every temptation you face is within your ability to overcome. Finally he promises that there will always be a choice that doesn't involve sinning. While you can't stop the temptations to have sex, you are able not to give in to those temptations.