The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

There is a this girl I have been with for over two years. Recently her best friend introduced her to guy. This guy proposed to her, which she informed me, telling me she doesn't like him. But I noticed that she spends more time on the phone with him and has even paid him visits on several occasions in his dorm room. She then tells me that he cares about her more than I do. Now she talks to me any way she wants. She doesn't call me like she used to. When I ask about her and that guy, it turns into a terrible argument. I have tired my best to solve this but to no avail.

Please help me because I am falling apart.


Answer

People are able to make their own decisions. You can encourage someone to make a decision that you might like, but there is no way to force someone to make the decisions you want.

While your girlfriend did not like the other guy initially, it appears that she finds him attractive. Part of the attraction may just be the fact that he is new and she doesn't know him as well as she knows you. Another possible attraction is that he is clearly rash, since he proposed to her when they barely knew each other. She is going to have to make up her mind which guy she rather be with, but if she continues to see this guy, I must suggest that you should consider looking for a new girlfriend.

It is possible that she is using your jealousy of this other guy to try to force you into action, such as proposing yourself. If this is true, it is backfiring. It is also possible that if you back off and start looking for another girlfriend, she might suddenly change her mind because she doesn't want to lose you. I can't say for certain that this will happen, but it is a possibility.

Your other choice is to work harder to make yourself attractive to her to see if you can win her back, but again there is no guarantee and you might find it hard to maintain that level of attention. You don't want a wife who flirts with guys to manipulate you into paying more attention to her.

You need to think of this in terms of whether you want a woman like her as your wife. If she shows signs of unfaithfulness now, then that indicates a character flaw that you will likely not enjoy if the two of you got married.

It is sad tell you that I have lost her to that guy about three months ago. All her actions showed that she wanted to do something, so I will give up on her. I asked about a guy she kissed on campus and she said, "If this is how you are going to be, asking qestions, then I can't be with you anymore." And that was it. Now she is with the guy I told you about. I called three days ago to check on her. She said she was not dating, but I found out later from a friend of hers that she was dating that guy. Up to this point I don't think I am going to love any girl like I did her. All I feel now is pain and hurt. I don't even want hear the word love anymore.

By the way, thanks for the reply.

It doesn't seem possible right now because you are wrapped up in feeling sorry for yourself. Eventually you will realize that she wasn't the girl you originally imagined her to be. You'll find someone better once you start looking again.

The purpose of dating is to get to know the other person. Sometime that means you find out that she is less that what you thought. Sometimes you find out that she is more than you had imagined. But you can't learn without finding out sometimes that you were wrong.

I'm sorry you are feeling bad, but this would will heal.