The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I'm 15 years old. I'm a Catholic Christian. I love Jesus. She helped me through so much in my life! I always try my best to trust in him and have faith in him! Every time I'm down he is the first person I go to!

I met this girl and we have been talking for two years. We both knew we liked each other in that way. Let me just tell you I know I'm just 15 and I'm young, but the feelings I have for this girl is incredible. I never ever had this kind of feeling before. She actually brought me closer to God because before her I did believe in God, but I would sin and not even think about what I have done!

I really like her a lot but during these two years there were hard times between me and her because actually she was dating another guy for three years and she lost her virginity to him. Let me just tell you she totally regrets it with all her heart! I know God forgave her because first of all she converted to Christianity and second she felt very ashamed of herself and asked God for forgiveness. She has been spreading the word of the Lord and I'm just so proud of her!

She is three years older than me. She broke up with her ex-boyfriend mainly because he wouldn't respect the fact that she didn't want to have sex and also he cheated on her! I liked her a lot still and when she was dating him, I was in a lot of pain, but Jesus always helped me through this pain. I always felt his peace. It was amazing! I am her second love. I know you might think, "You are younger than her" But the thing is she loves me because I have a strong faith with God, a strong relationship with him and I would help her with her problems and always use God in our conversations! A lot of people say I act mature for my age! That's why we don't really care about the age difference.

Anyway I love this girl and she loves me! We are not really dating, I mean we are but it's not official. We are taking it really slow.

The main reason why I am writing this is because I have done a huge sin! I'm so shame full at myself! We made out, we got tempted, and I touch her in places that I should have not done. I'm not going into detail. We didn't have sex and I'm a virgin. We made out a lot. In my opinion making out is not a sin, but it can lead to sin, and in this case it did! We just kept going further. I liked it but the thing is I knew it was wrong and sinful, but I still did it! I even looked it up to see if it's a sin and of course it was. The next day we did it again. After that I just couldn't. I cried. I felt so bad because I was living a Christian life and was supposed to be in a Christian relationship, and I just committed this huge sin!

I talked to her about it and I apologize. I said that what we did was really bad and that I felt so ashamed of myself. I told her that we have to stop doing that kind of stuff. She also felt ashamed and she was quiet because she knew what we did was totally against God! I feel so bad because I have this guilt. It's killing me. I know Jesus forgives, but still I feel like Jesus is shaking his head toward me like a father disappointed with his child! I was so tempted and she as well! I feel horrible with myself and I'm asking God to have mercy on me and her!


Answer

"You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20).

I mention this verse because there is a difference between what you claim and what you did. When someone's words are different from their actions, generally the actions are a clearer indication of what the person is like. Instead of spending so much telling me how good you and she are, it is better to face the fact that you both sinned.

You were involved in several sins:

  • Uncleanness: "morally impure behavior, particularly of a sexual nature."
    "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them" (Ephesians 5:3-7).
  • Sexual Touching: "touching between a man and woman, such as what goes on in foreplay, including touching the genitals"
    "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1).
  • Lust: "characterized by a longing for what is forbidden, a deep burning, a covetous desire"
    "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).
  • Lewdness: "shameless behavior, particularly in regards to sex. It is behavior that is involved in pure self-enjoyment or behavior characteristic of an animal."
    "Who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness" (Ephesians 4:19).

There are three reasons these sin occurred"

  • You were convinced that you were good people who would not stoop to sins of passion. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:13).
  • You expected the other person to stop what was obviously happening, not considering that both of you were caught up in sexual passion.
  • You were focused on not committing fornication, but you were convinced that things which lead up to intercourse were acceptable, at least to a certain extent. Because you were convinced that some sin was acceptable, you found it hard to stop when sin took you further than you had plan to go.

It is appropriate that you feel guilty about what you did. It is people who sin and don't feel guilty who are ones I find disturbing. The guilt is there to remind you not to get involved in sin again.

Being ashamed or sorry doesn't solve the problem of sin. There has to be a change in attitude about sin -- seeing that it is not acceptable in you life -- and a change in behavior so that sin is not likely to happen again. This is what repentance means. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). Then when you look back at what you had done, you feel the guilt over your behavior, but it is balanced with the knowledge that you are no longer the person you used to be.

In addition to repentance, you have to admit to God that you were wrong. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). Not just the inappropriate touching, but all the other sins you were also involved in.