Everything has been going well, nothing great but everything is well. However I began running into some trouble during my spring break. Usually I only masturbate once a month. I'm trying to push until I don't have to masturbate anymore. However, during spring break I probably masturbated more than I have in about a year.
It was ridiculous but that not the big issue. The issue is what I am masturbating to. I began masturbating to feet videos. It was so weird because outside of this I don't even stare or think about women's feet.
It got even worse. I have been proud and very happy to have quit porn two years ago. However, during this break I got way to close for comfort with borderline porn videos. What do I mean? I mean that I would watch non-porn feet videos on porn sites or by accident hit a porn clip but exit the video once I knew it had porn in it.
I felt terrible, sir, and now I'm searching for myself again. I want to get up on my high horse and continue the Christian fight but I feel so weak and discouraged. Outside of my home I am awesome. I help my friends, they love me, I preach Christ and they notice that I'm different. Inside my home, however, I feel so tempted, so bored.
What's your opinion sir? I know its my fault but for some reason I just don't fight. I have been given the tools through the Word, yet I don't use them. Any advice would help. Thank you soo much for your time and help.
There are three things that you need to change.
First, stop masturbating while viewing anything. It is perfectly normal to relieve yourself through masturbation, but when you use something as a trigger for your orgasms, it gets locked into your mind. It starts dominating your behavior. Notice what happened over time. You are going to sites that feature pornography, but telling yourself it is all right because you aren't looking at the porn -- at least not intentionally. The way to deal with temptation to get away from it, not see how close you can get to it without crossing some imaginary line.
Second, you correctly noted that the problem is your boredom. You planned a break without any plans to do something, so you been filling in your time watching worthless videos with your pants off. Fill your vacation plans with activities that you don't normally do, but don't leave yourself with days of nothing to do.
Finally, pride is not useful to a Christian. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:12). A prideful man is more vulnerable to temptation because he isn't on guard. "Therefore He says: "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble." Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:6-7).