The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I have a problem with my feelings and stuff like that. I hate getting older. I really want to go back to being 14.

I am having problems with my erections. My penis get erect from everything: When I see a girl (all kinds of girls) or when I see kids (all kinds of kids). Well, I am not pedophile and I have never thought about having sex with kids but when I see naked kids I get an erection.

I hate my legs hair and all my body hair.

I think that I might be gay, but I seriously don't love guys, their bodies or their hair. I think it is all gross. But when I think that I am having erection from little boys, not because I want to have sex with them. I again think that I might be gay. But I am attracted to girls, and I hate guys and all kinds of hair stuff.

Finally am I a girly guy or not? I have friends (boys more than girls), and I really don't like girl stuff because they are so silly .


Answer

When a boy goes through adolescence and even for a few years beyond, he experiences spontaneous erections. An erection means his body has gone into sexual arousal mode; yet, the reason for being aroused is not because sex is about to take place. In fact, it can happen at the oddest times, for the oddest reasons, and even sometimes for no particular reason at all. That is because his brain and body are still trying to figure out this new feature: what it is used for and when it is needed. Early on erections come often because this is the way the brain works: first connect it to everything and then slowly whittle down the possibilities when it is discovered that it is not needed.

The mistake being made is assuming that your erections have some meaning regarding who you are. You are in control of your body, your body doesn't control you. It might respond for who knows what reason, but it is your reason which decides whether your body should be ignored or not. "But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified" (I Corinthians 9:27).

For someone to be a homosexual, it means he is having sex with other guys. You choose not to; thus, you are not a homosexual, so quit mislabeling yourself. You are not having sex with children; therefore, you are not a pedophile. Stop worrying about things that don't exist and which you reject.

What you are, however, is a male. That means you have the things that come with a male body, such as a penis, testicles, and hair. Be content with who you are and don't think happiness is dependent on you being someone different.

Thank you so much! You really helped me and made me feel way better about myself.

About the erections: When I see my friend naked I have an erection but he doesn't. That really makes me feel that I am not okay. I read before about it and it depends on the person. He is younger than me and is still new to puberty things, but he can control himself.

Does it depend on your past history or is it a phobia? I read about phobias of having or seeing or thinking about erections. Is it because I am attracted to him? I know that I am over-thinking this, but I am so depressed, and I am thinking about it all the time. I just want to know why. Am I gay and what is the solution? You told me that erections can happen at the oddest times and for the oddest reasons but what about this situation?

I really really really appreciate your help. You really helped me a lot with a lot of things. I am now way better than before. God bless you.

An erection is caused when a small muscle near the base of your penis clamps down on the vein that lets blood out of your penis. More blood enters the penis than exits, resulting in the penis inflating. Therefore, things that make you tense can also make you erect as your body tenses more muscles than is necessary. Things that increase your heart rate and blood pressure can make your penis inflate.

Certain areas of your body are wired to trigger arousal. Thoughts, of course, can trigger arousal, but they don't have to just be about you wanting sex. Thoughts that are associated with sex or sexual situations can also trigger arousal. Thus, seeing a guy naked brings up sexual ideas, even though you wanting to have sex with another guy is not among those ideas -- it is just the reminders. You also being naked doesn't help the situation because such can make you nervous or embarrassed to some extent. Then realizing that your penis is inflating just makes the tension worse.

Fears can also cause you to get tense and it raises your blood pressure -- a strong formula that can lead to erections.

However, you continue to think backwards. You conclude that because your penis is erect, therefore, you want to have sex with whatever or whoever is in front of you at the time. That is letting your body control you instead of you controlling your body.

And why are you labeling yourself as "gay" when you have never had sex with another guy and you don't desire to do so? If you keep telling yourself lies like this, you might eventually convince yourself to believe those lies.

You are a guy. Guys are designed to have sex with their wives. Guys also have to deal with their penis getting erect at the wrong times. It is just a part of growing up as a male.

I don't know what to tell you, but you are the best person for making me feel way better than before, and I am so thankful. Thank you for your time, sir, and God bless you and bless your wonderful work.