The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hi Mr. Hamilton!

One time I looked up on the Internet "crying teen," and I was very surprised when links to porn sites were the number one result. Don't worry, I did not go on them. I did look at the words below the link, however, and it talked about how a girl is crying because there is a big penis inside of her. Why do people connect crying teen with porn? Also, why do people like raping pornography?

Recently, there was this subject on what men wish women would know by Cosmopolitan. I know that Cosmopolitan is bad, but I clicked on it, and the first slide is on men crying. I cry, so I thought "okay," click on the next slide. It then got to sex stuff though, so I exited out. Do they use clean slides at first to lure you in, then introduce the inappropriate information?

You have sons, so can I ask you how to stop arguing and fighting with my little brother? I am often annoyed by him.

Do you know how I can stop being very excited or nervous? We went on a vacation recently, and my dad, my little brother, and I went canoing. There were cumulus and cumulonimbus clouds close to us. We could not see the marina because we have went kind of far away. I heard thunder several times, and I freaked out. I though that we are going to be injured or killed by lightning. My brother was not scared and said "We are Lewis and Clark, we are going on an adventure." I lost my temper at him and got really mad.

This is a weird question,and please forgive me if I am paranoid, but if my brother and I hit each other on the bottom, does that count as sexual abuse? Also, I remember that we were playing with my mom when we are younger, and she wrote words on my butt. My mom is extremely fun-loving, but is that wrong, or is it okay? What is sexual abuse?

Should I follow my mom's advice anymore? She is in a small group, and she believes that after people die, they can still visit earth. She also said a lot of things that might be false. If I talk to my mom about what she said is false, how can I not get angry when speaking to her?

Can I talk to you about masturbation? I do not think my dad is the best person to ask questions about it. He said he never masturbated, maybe since he was born in a different culture. His life was filled with schoolwork in his teenage years because their teachers give out lots of homework back then, and either he or my mom said that their lives were too busy for anyone to think about that. He was so busy that he said many times, he was either playing basketball or doing homework. My dad thinks American teenagers are too liberal and most not have enough homework. He also gets embarrassed about some puberty questions.

The site "Boys Under Attack" has lots of beneficial information, but there is one picture of a girl revealing her breasts (I think).

Sorry for the huge email. Thank you for letting me email you. I can then express some things I am thinking. May I ask some life questions, and doubts about the church I sometimes go?


Answer

"My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. If they say, "Come with us, Let us lie in wait to shed blood; let us lurk secretly for the innocent without cause; let us swallow them alive like Sheol, and whole, like those who go down to the Pit" (Proverbs 1:10-12).

Good people have a hard time comprehending that some evil people like wickedness because it gives them power over other people. They get a thrill out of making someone else miserable, such as by causing another person pain from their pleasure. It becomes not just evil, but evil done with cruelty.

Yes, a frequent tactic is to get a person to drop their guard by offering something that looks benign and then change to something wrong. That is why there is the warning "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:12). Just because you think things are safe, it doesn't mean it will remain that way. When you know a source is poor, such as Cosmopolitan, the best thing is to avoid it, no matter what lure is being offered.

One common source of disagreements arise from your own expectations of other people. When people don't do as you expect them to act, it gets frustrating because you can't change them. Your story about your canoing illustrates this very well. You expected your younger brother to be more fearful of the lightening than you were. The fact that he was calmer than you was both embarrassing and annoying. You became mad because you wanted to force him into the mold of your expectation and knew that you could not.

No, bopping someone on the bottom is not sexual abuse. Your mom writing things on your bottom would not be appropriate, but it too would not be sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is when someone young is drawn into a sexual situation. Being young, they would go along with what an older person tells them to do, not realizing the full significance of what was happening. It can also happen with an older person when sex is forced upon a person, threats are made to make a person accept sex, or a person is used for sex when they are not capable of giving consent, such as drugging a person.

In talking with your mother, again you need to resize that you can make a person believe as you do. However, you can reason with a person. So ask her why she believes as she does and what authority does she have to prove her belief. If she believes the Bible, then ask her to consider the verses brought up in Can we talk with those who have died?

I have not seen the picture you are referring to. It would be unfortunate if the author of that site used such a picture. I did a quick check of the site, but could not find what you described on the site.

You are welcome to ask me any questions you want. I'll try to answer as best I can when I have time.