The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hi,

I'm a 19 year old Christian boy. My family are Christians. Two months ago I fornicated with a girl who wasn't my girlfriend. She was a friend, I was tempted  and I fell for it. Every day since that day I feel guilty about it. I asked God for forgiveness, and I know He has forgiven me, but I can't seem to let go of the past. The sex was protected. Something keeps telling me to tell my parents, but I'm afraid to tell them because I don't know how they will react. I live with my parents and my parents are nice to me. Should I tell them?

Because of the guilt, it led me to have sex with a man to forget about the past, but I can't seem to forget, it just got worse. I asked God for forgiveness about that. I know He has forgiven me.

My parents never really had the sex talk with me, except when I was 18 my dad told me not to fornicate. When I just turned 19 my dad asked, "Do you have a girlfriend?" I said, "No." My mum said I should be careful that there are lots of diseases out there.

Please help me


Answer

I've puzzled over your question for a bit. You made it sound almost like the sex was an act of impulse, though the fact you used a condom indicates it was planned. You mention that your parents had not talked to you about sex, which isn't all that unusual; yet, you knew what you were doing was wrong. I don't think you can pin this problem on a lack of information. But the real puzzler is trying to understand why you thought having homosexual sex would make you forget about having committed fornication. How does one sin make up for another sin? "And why not say, "Let us do evil that good may come"? -- as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8).

So let's start with the basics. God says that sex only belongs between a husband and wife. Sex with anyone else is sin. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). You can't make it to heaven remaining involved in sin. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

It seems that you have repented of your sins, though, as I said, I'm a bit puzzled why you had sex with a guy when you were already upset about having sex with a girl. While I'm thinking of it, you mentioned that you used a condom with the girl, but you didn't mention whether you used some protection when you had sex with the guy. In either case, condoms are not perfect. They can't protect you from all diseases. At best, they merely reduce the odds of catching diseases. You should have your doctor check you to be sure you did not get a disease.

Repentance is both a change of attitude toward the sins we've committed and a change in behavior. You ought to feel guilty for having given into sin. It is the people who sin and don't feel guilty about it who are the worrisome ones. But when you truly repent, you should realize that while you've sinned in the past, you aren't the same person any more. You've changed. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).

Thus, you need to examine yourself and understand how it is that you gave into sin and then make changes in your life so that you don't fall into the same trap again. If you don't want to end up in sin, you can't walk the path that leads to sin. "Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn away from it and pass on. For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; and their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall" (Proverbs 4:14-16).

Whether you tell your parents is up to you. If you think they will be able to help you stay out of sin in the future, then that is a good thing. If you would rather talk to someone else about your struggles, that is fine also. What doesn't help is trying to handle temptation on your own. "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16).