The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hello,

I am 13 and cannot reach ejaculation yet, but last year I discovered masturbation. Since it felt good and I could have a 'dry orgasm,' I did it often, even though I figured it was wrong. But then I started having problems. When I had to urinate, I could only feel the urge when I really had to go. If I only had to go a little bit, I can't feel it. And you know how sometimes when you pee and your urethra starts to sting? Well, for me I know the stinging is there, I just can't feel the stinging. Also in recent times when I did masturbate, I could only achieve dry orgasm by stimulating the shaft, which is what I have been doing when I have masturbated for the past year or so. Rubbing the tip (most sensitive part) did next to nothing. 

It really upsets me because I have my entire life ahead of me and I'm too embarrassed to tell my parents or doctor. I really want to stop, and from now on I'm going to try my best to not touch myself. But, if you can please give me a way or help me to get back my sensitivity back in my penis,  I would appreciate it a whole lot.

I don't know if there even is a problem or something wrong; that's why I am emailing you. But if there is, please help me to fix my problem.


Answer

I'm going to approach this from a different angle. There is a problem when we chase after pleasure merely because it is enjoyable. Food is good for the body, but if we eat for the pleasure of eating and not because we need the food, we soon get fat and it leads to the sin of gluttony. Yes, stimulating yourself feels good, but it is there for a purpose, which is to cause you to ejaculate when you are having sex with your wife or when your seminal vesicles are too full and need emptying. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the process, just as it is perfectly fine to enjoy a good meal, but it becomes a problem when you seek the pleasure even though the need is not there. Sins are hard enough to battle without you cracking open the door for Satan.

There is going to be a time in the near future when you are going to need to ejaculate. I can't say exactly when because it is different for each person. Some time in either stage 2 or stage 4 of development, your seminal vesicles will start producing semen. As the seminal vesicles get full, you will find that thoughts about sex and touching yourself will get stronger. Eventually you will either given in, or you will have a wet dream (where you end up masturbating in your sleep). That relieves the pressure for a while and then the cycle starts all over again.

Therefore, instead of forcing the issue, just wait until it comes naturally. Besides, you will find that when it does happen, the resulting feelings will be much more intense and enjoyable.

Some of the changes that you are noting are not due to your masturbating but are just the results of maturing. One of the things you gain as a male is a larger bladder, which means you don't have to use the toilet as often. The reason the urge isn't as strong is because your bladder is bigger and you haven't reached the same percentage of full as before. This is nothing to worry about.

When you stimulate nerves frequently, they become less sensitive. It is because the body avoids overloading the mind with information that it doesn't need. Thus, when you first pick up a very warm pan, your nerves fire to say, "HOT!" But your mind overrides and after a while, you are not quite as sensitive to warm things. The glans on your penis is very sensitive to touch, but because you've been overstimulating it, the signals have been cut back. It isn't that they are damaged, it is just that your mind has turned down the signal level. Stop the over-stimulation and the mind will gradually turn the sensitivity back up. (By the way, the reason rubbing your glans does work well for causing ejaculation is because it is too sensitive to touch. It is designed to give feedback in intercourse where the touch to the glans in the vagina is very light.)

Thus, we get back to where we started. Simply stop trying to have dry orgasms. Wait until the need rises, which might take a few months or even a few years. In the meantime your sensitivity will gradually return and when the need actually arises you will find that your sensitivity will increase even more than it was before.

Thank you so much for your feedback and getting back to me so soon! I will definitely pay attention to your advice, and really appreciate it!