The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

I am a 22 year old Christian. I find myself easily aroused by myself. The problem is quite severe as I frequently, and even inevitably, get very strong erection during my work out, even though I am not really thinking about sex. Erections can also easily occur when I look at the mirror. Basically, whenever I see my muscles, I am turned on.

I have read the articles about masturbation, and I realize that I can really masturbate without having any fantasy - neither male images nor female images. I look for sexual release when I masturbate and to a certain extent pure pleasure. But I feel like I have a big problem with auto-eroticism. Masturbation seems problematic to me, even though it may be acceptable for many of my pals.

While I find myself attracted to guys to certain extent, I know I am not gay, since I am not seeking for nor engaging in gay sex. Thank you so much for your articles. I understand that it is normal for me seek same-sex relationships and acceptance. I know I need it since I lacked it for some time, and now I need to regain it. However, the auto-eroticism really erodes me in a way that I struggle against extending my sexual arousal to people other than myself. In other words, it brings me to the potential problem that, I may connect the men I see to my masturbation experience since I am a man. It makes me feel a sexual impulse, which becomes less controllable and more prominent now, when I look at some men whom I appreciate.

This is not a joke for me. It's really affecting me disastrously. What I need are simply healthy friendship and brotherhood -- nothing more for men. These are really suffocating problems. May I ask for your wise opinions on what I should do? Should I stop masturbating? Or anything I can do to get rid of my serious auto-eroticism?

Thank you so much!


Answer

The difficulty all men face is the need for relief from the build up of semen in the body. The only options available for a single man are wet dreams or masturbation and not every man is able to have wet dreams. The problem is that orgasm is such a strong response of pleasure that men easily associate events and ideas that may happen at the time to the need to ejaculate. Each time the two coincide, it strengths the association. This is what makers of pornography use against men and why pornography is difficult to stop viewing even when the man knows it is wrong.

Sometimes this association takes odd twists and a guy associates a smell or an object to his need to ejaculate. When it is indulged it gets to the point that the guy feels he cannot ejaculate without the associated smell or object. This is known as a fetish.

You have associated looking at your muscles with the need to ejaculate. What you don't want is for it to get out of hand. As you noted, it is easy to extend a concept to related ideas, such as not just your body but also the bodies of other men.

One way to combat this is to purposely break the association. Once in a while masturbate where you can't see yourself. Look at yourself and purposely walk away without masturbating, even though you might feel like you're going to explode. Focus more on noting when you have a need to ejaculate and not use external things as the trigger.

In regards to male friends, focus on the friendship and not what the person looks like. Allow yourself to make friends with everyone -- male and female -- regardless of their attractiveness. Again, you are purposely disconnecting physical desire from you selection of friends. Make friends of elderly people, middle-aged people and children. Don't limit yourself to just people close to your own age.

Now in that group of friends there will naturally be some whom you are closer to because of shared experiences and compatible character traits. Such is normal and natural, but with the practice of general friendship, you are less likely to turn a close friendship into a sexual one; in fact, you will likely not want complications, like sex, getting in the way of your friendships.

Thank you so much for the advice! I will try to combat it and maintain healthy relationships!