The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Lately I've been struggling with fantasy thoughts and keeping myself at bay in terms of lusting. I usually get "turned on" whenever I read an article, that suggests anything sexually related, like me studying your articles about my privates, pregnancy, etc. Somehow I feel I should abstain from your website and stop reading your articles, but I know it's not the website, or your very Christian-centered, informative, and scientific articles that's the problem; it's me and how easily tempted I can be.

Recently I've been lusting over a girl, even though I wanted to stop and resist, fantasy thoughts just arose in my head against my own will, and it's not easy resisting these thoughts. I've practically overcome that, happily.

Reading your articles I also found out that having a girlfriend and staying pure is hard, and for a guy who is weak to temptation, dating seems near impossible. I do want to eventually get married and have sex, and I pray to God that I do so. It's just hard resisting my lusts for sexual immorality when I'm 14 years old, and the time I plan to get married is at 29-32. Please help me clear my mind. Give me tips on how not to lust, resist seductresses in the future, what I should abstain from, and fighting adultery, lust, and fornication for the future.

Thank you so much!


Answer

I suspect that one reason God designed our bodies so that sexual feelings and sexual functions do not start until later in life is to not overwhelm us until we are able to handle more basic desires and emotions. Yet, it comes early enough that you can learn to control it before it becomes a danger. It is true that the sexual drive is strong, but this doesn't mean it is unmanageable.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13).

Hopefully, you've been learning that just because you have a strong desire that "now" is not always the best time to pursue that desire. Most of us learn not to eat just because we feel like it. We would get fat if we didn't control our desire. Sex is no different. Just as the desire to eat serves a purpose, so does the desire for sex. The answer is not in getting rid of the desire, but learning to manage it in an appropriate fashion that doesn't involve sin.

Perhaps it is a bit early at 14 to be dating and having a girlfriend, but it certainly isn't too early to have friends who happen to be girls. So many guys forget that "friend" is a part of the term. They rush into a relationship that is based solely on feelings and emotions and things happen because they forget the other person is a person. When you care about someone as a friend, you tend to be more protective of them and there are far more reasons to get together than the fact that your body is aroused.

I assume you are a Christian or thinking about becoming one. As a Christian you have dedicated yourself to serving Jesus. "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). What this means is that day-to-day decisions are not made based on what I want, I serve the king of kings, so his requirements come first. We aren't left guessing what Jesus wants; it is all written out for us in the Bible. But that means we have to use our reason and not our emotions when making choices. Emotions can be manipulated but truth remains fixed. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26).

When you say you are lusting for a girl, what that statement means is that you are imagining yourself having sex with your without being married to her. Since sex outside of marriage is wrong, "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4), the correct response is to reject the thoughts as wrong. This doesn't mean temptation won't hound you, but if you stick to the truth that sex only belongs in marriage, you can overcome the temptation.

In regards to the seductress, if you and I were together, we would be sitting down and studying the book of Proverbs together. Several passages in the early part of the book deals with how seduction works. It is like knowing how a scam operates. Knowing prevents you from becoming a victim. See: Proverbs: Practical Advice on Life, especially the sections on chapters 2 and 5-7. If you want to work through the study, you are welcome to send me your questions and comments.

Thank you so much, sir!

This has encouraged me a lot, and because of you, I think I might be able to fight sexual temptations later on. I am a Christian by the way and know that I'm going to heaven through Christ's death, and Jesus being resurected three days after death.

Thanks again.