The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hi,

I recently found your web site and it's been very helpfully. Lately I've had a weird struggle that I've never had before in my life. I've played sports all my life, spent plenty of time around other guys and never had any issues. About six months ago I made a new friend, and we've become very close. We talk about everything with each other. It's been a great friendship, but lately I've had a weird struggle with it that I've never had with other friends. In a weird way lately it's like I've been attracted to him. I find myself wondering things about him that I've never wondered or thought about with any other of my guy friends. Last week I even had a sex dream about him. I'm not sure what's going on and wanted to reach out. Any advice?


Answer

There is nothing wrong with having close friends and enjoying their company. However, you are at the age where things can be easily twisted into sexual situations. It isn't just you or your age. Every adult has to be cautious when getting close to people. People who counsel others have to be careful because the close relationship can lead to sexual feelings. Friends at work, school, or elsewhere can pose a danger. The reason is that we are generally cautious with other people, but with are close friends, we drop our guard and sometimes we drop them too far. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:12).

Notice that I didn't say anything about gender. The sexual feelings of the body are basically gender neutral. Typically the greatest danger is between male and female friends, but it doesn't mean sexual feelings can't arise between people of the same gender. But feelings don't make things right. Sex is wrong between a boy and girl who are not married. Sex is wrong between people of the same gender (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Therefore, you cannot let your feelings control your thoughts and your actions.

Realize where the danger lies and back off. If ever things appear to be turning sexual, and you'll know it by the response of your penis, stop and leave the situation. Be determined to follow God and do what is right.

It is possible that your friend is subtly pushing toward sex. If that is the case, you have to tell him that it is wrong. If he persists, you will have to break off the friendship -- though I know that it will be really hard, it is better to end a friendship than to end up in sin. "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals"" (I Corinthians 15:33).