The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Morning sir,

I had a serious relationship with a girl. I want to marry her, but today she told that she had two boyfriends before me. She said that she didn't lost her virginity, but she allowed them to touch her breasts. She had confessed this to a priest, and she confessed this to her mother. When she said it to me, it just broke my heart. If she had kissed him, it would not be a problem for me, but she had allowed someone to touch her breasts. She told me that she thought the two relations were genuine, but they cheated on her. She also told me to leave her because she was a bad girl. She said she is ready for any test to show her virginity is pure.

The problem for me is that this was my sincere love and I too had touched her breasts and kissed them. If I also leave, I am committing the same mistake that other two had done to her. But I touched and kissed her because I had a strong belief that I would marry her. But now I can't -- she allowed two persons and also me to touch there and that bothers me.

I don't know what to do.


Answer

I'm sorry, but the hypocrisy of your note is irritating. You are responsible for your actions. You touched this girl sexually and now you blame her for allowing you to do wrong with her. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). You claim you were justified in sinning because you were certain you would marry her. But your intentions never justify sin. Intentions are not the same as reality.

You are upset that two other boys did the same sin that you did. "For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself"" (Galatians 5:14). They too intended to marry this girl, or at least she thought that was the case. Yes, she should not have allowed them to touch her. Yes, they should not have touched her. But the exact same thing is true about you. Yet, you wish to condemn both them and her while you pretend that you are someone better. I'm ashamed of your standards.

The only thing that changed is that she was honest with you about her past sins and for that you hold it against her. Are you going to be honest about your sin with her and your other sins you have done in the past?

Both you and she are flawed. It doesn't excuse the sin, but it should cause you to be sympathetic since you are equally guilty. Start afresh. Live by God's laws. No more sexual touching until you marry someone, whether it is her or someone else. But I seriously suggest that you decide whether you marry her based on who she is and not the sin that you did to her.