The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hi,

I'm a male, 16-years-old. Recently, I have strange feelings about a guy in the school. He is muscular, handsome and tall. I get erections when I see him. Every night I fantasize about him having sex with me. I sometimes even masturbate thinking about him naked. Is this normal for an adolescent?

My teacher said that masturbating more than three times per week will leave signs on the face and she can tell just by looking our faces. What signs will be leaved on my face if I masturbate too much?

How can I stop masturbating? I realize that it interferes with my daily schedule. I relapse about two to three days once.

I also feel sorry for that guy in the school because I always fantasize about him when I masturbate. I wanted to quit this habit, but I have never get a wet dream. What can I do? Please help me.


Answer

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man" (Mark 7:21-23).

Though homosexuality is not directly listed, it is covered under the word "fornication." You are excusing your thoughts by telling yourself that you aren't actually having sex with him, but those very thoughts just as sinful as the actual act, though they are a different type of sin (Matthew 5:28). However, sin is progressive. "But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren" (James 1:14-16). Eventually you'll find yourself in a situation where sex with other guy is possible and because you have been lusting for it for so long, you won't stop yourself.

I'm assuming that pornography is not a problem.

If your mom said she can tell who ate a cookie before dinner, just by looking at everyone's face, would you believe her? Assuming there are not cookie crumbs left behind, she might be able to do so simply by looking to see who acts guilty when being scrutinized. That is what your teacher is doing. She claims that she can tell who is masturbating more than three times a week, and then looks at guys for a guilty look.

The reason you are driven to masturbate is because your body constantly produces semen. There is only so much that your seminal vesicles can hold before some needs to be ejaculated to make room for more. The body is designed that way because semen has a limited shelf-life. Since your body is unable to ejaculate in your sleep, you instinctively found masturbation (which basically every guy discovers). The need to masturbate is something you can't control, but you can control what you think about while you are doing it.

Here is how we are going to change your habit:

Wait a few days until the need to masturbate is really strong. Then I want you to try masturbating without thinking of anything in particular. If you find your mind drift to a particular person, start doing something boring in your head, like a math problem, while continuing to masturbate. It will be difficult at first to keep your mind following your old habits. You will also find it more difficult to get done quick. Regardless, keep practicing.

If you try and you can't reach orgasm, then don't worry about it. Just try again the next day. It is no big deal.

Don't worry about how many times a week you are doing it. Focus instead on doing it when the need to ejaculate is strong.

Thank you, sir. It helps a lot.