The Boys' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Good afternoon,

I have a question concerning me and my girlfriend. We have been messing around various times. There has been masturbating each other and oral sex. Also, the last time we didn't have sex, but I did insert my penis in her vagina. Does this mean that I am no longer a virgin, even if we did not have sex?


Answer

One way people lie to themselves is to make a definition so narrow that it doesn't include what they have done. The Greek word, porneia, which is translated as fornication or sexual immorality in English, means having sexual intercourse with someone to whom you are not married. When you put your penis into her vagina, you were committing fornication. It doesn't matter that you did not ejaculate into her. But fornication also includes the times when you put your penis in her mouth. That is why it is called oral sex. Even mutual masturbation is considered to be fornication since two of you were involved. Therefore, you have been having sex for a while.

However, this isn't the only sin you were involved in:

  • Uncleanness: "morally impure behavior, particularly of a sexual nature."
    "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them" (Ephesians 5:3-7).
  • Sexual Touching: "touching between a man and woman, such as what goes on in foreplay, including touching the genitals."
    "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1).
  • Lust: "characterized by a longing for what is forbidden, a deep burning, a covetous desire"
    "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).
  • Lewdness: "shameless behavior, particularly in regards to sex. It is behavior that is involved in pure self-enjoyment or behavior characteristic of an animal."
    "Who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness" (Ephesians 4:19). 

You might think there are not consequences to such behavior, but each time you take a risk of getting her pregnant -- even if you don't ejaculate -- because your pre-ejaculatory fluid can include sperm. There is also a risk of sexually transmitted diseases because people who play around with sex rarely stay with one partner.