I am male in his twenties, who is suffering from what we call, I guess, homosexuality. I don't consider myself a homosexual, but I have been doing homosexual acts, and I'm completely lost.
I had a girlfriend for five years but suddenly lost her due to my infidelity with another man. I just want to say that I need help. I have lost all my morals, and I want Jesus to come back into my life.
I grew up being picked on because of the way I talked or walked, which made me think I was gay. I never grew up with a father, so I was raised only by my mother. When I meet people, they all to seem to pick up on my mannerism and think that I'm gay. I find it annoying because I can't be myself.
I watch porn almost every day, and I feel that this is the cause that led me astray. I never once thought about having sex with a man. It completely disgusts me. But now that I lost my love, I feel as though I'm crashing down. I'm fearful of going to hell. My mom raised me to be a nice young Christian man, but now I have lost all my morals. I don't want my mom to view me as a guy who likes having sex with men because I don't. I want to go out on dates again and find a pretty Christian woman to be with. However, I have created a bad habit of this, and I need help and I want to stop this.
I read your writing about homosexuality, and I truly believe everything that was said. I have been questioning my sexuality since last year, and I don't want to anymore. Every time I watch gay pornography I get hard, and this makes me think I'm gay, then I go hook up with a guy and then I feel completely embarrassed and disgusted. Every time I had sex with a man, which I regret, I felt like my soul was going away with them, and I don't want that. I want to have natural relations when I'm married to a beautiful woman one day.
My questions are: Will God forgive me? What do I need to do to restore myself? How can I combat what people tell me about my sexuality? What do I need to do to stop this?
This is not what I intended to be five years ago. I found your website for a reason and for that I am thankful. I plan on getting tested for the first time and after that, I plan to remain celibate until I find my future wife.
Thank you and hope to hear from you soon. Thanks.
Homosexuality is not an attitude, it is a behavior. When you have sex with another male, you are committing the sin of homosexuality. But like every sin, it is a choice and you can choose to stop. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11).
As you noted, the root cause of your lack of control came from your indulgence in watching pornography. Over time you moved to watching more corrupt ideas of sex because it was shocking and therefore more stimulating. You falsely assumed that because you got erect that it meant you liked it at some level and that you needed to act on it. Therefore, your big battle will be to extract yourself from the habit of watching pornography. Once you do so, you'll find over the course of the next several months that your desires will naturally fall back into a normal direction. But even then, do not think that you need to "prove" yourself by having sex with some girl. You got into this mess by breaking God's laws. Breaking one law instead of another would still leave you a law breaker.