The Girls' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Can a best friend, who says he only likes me as a friend, possibly be hiding his feelings for me?

Answer

Most men are relatively simple creatures. I know it, being one myself. We like to solve problems. We like to go straight to the answer with as little fuss as possible. It is the directness of men that causes many of the misunderstandings between men and women.

Women tend to over-analyze men. Oh sure, they hear what we say, but they are certain that we can't really mean it that way. There must be something more to it than that! Odd thing is that there rarely is anything more to it.

Therefore, any woman needs to be careful that she is not reading what she wishes were true into a situation. Let's look at your friend's statement:

1) He really likes you as a friend, but he is not willing to think of you as his future wife. He is a true friend because he is telling you just the way it is. He is not leading you on with false hopes.

2) He is not ready to make a commitment to any woman, even though he truly likes your friendship. He is being honest with you because of that friendship. He doesn't want to tie you down to him since he doesn't know when he will become more serious about marriage.

3) He is madly in love with you, but he doesn't want you to know, so he is willing to lie to you to keep his feelings hidden. But since he is willing to lie, this must mean he really doesn't think much of you.

Regardless of your feelings, look at this and tell me which of these scenarios is more plausible? Your feelings lead you to #3, but your intellect says that it leads to a self-contradiction in character.

Think carefully about this: If he is telling you a lie ("we're only friends") and you believe it is not true, why are you seeking someone who is willing to lie to you? Why do you want someone whom you basically said you can't trust to say what he means?

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (Proverbs 27:6).