The Girls' Growing Up in the Lord

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Question

Hello, I'm female, 17 years old, but soon to be 18. I'm very tensed. I have a boyfriend and we both love each other a lot. We used to kiss each other. Then one day we went to a friend's room. I was naked and he was in his underwear. We just kissed and did nothing else, but that has made me feel guilty. It has been nearly since then. I had my periods regularly before this but this time I didn't get it till now. I'm nervous whether it will lead to pregnancy. Please kindly help.

Answer

Since you have had a period since this incident, you are not pregnant. But it doesn't mean you won't get pregnant if you continue down this path of playing with fire. In speaking of sexual sins, the wise man, Solomon, asked, "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29).

What do you think would happen being in a room alone with a boy and taking off your clothes? Even though he kept his underwear on this time, what makes you think he will at a later time? Since he was sexually excited, I'm sure he leaked pre-ejaculate fluid. That fluid can contain sperm and if your groin was next to his, it can be possible for the some of that fluid to be in contact with the outer edges of your vagina. Underwear is no barrier to pre-ejaculate fluid or semen.

But concerns about pregnancy is just one small issue. You are playing around with the sin of lust. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Your are fanning the flames of your own passions and those of your boyfriend. Those flames won't go away. If you continue he will eventually put his penis into you as this the natural result of what you are doing. A husband and wife are supposed to have sexual desire for each other, but the two of you are not married. "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Even though he has not gotten his penis into you, he as been thinking about it -- and you have been as well. Thus both of you are as guilty of fornication as if you had done it.

You can't claim innocence in this matter because you made choices that led to this point. It is like lighting a fire in the forest and then getting upset that it got out of control. You need to stop the playing, because it isn't a game. Repent of the sin you have done so far. Let your boyfriend know that you think that what happened was wrong and why. He may dump you -- but that would be because he thought he could have sex with you without being married to you. If that happens, you really don't want a boyfriend like that. Better if he agrees and the two of you keep your clothes on and stay away from the passionate kissing until you get married.