The Girls' Growing Up in the Lord

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Three days after my period, my boyfriend secreated his semen near my vagina. It was just outside, down my back and near the front. Will that cause pregnancy? I did wash up after that, but I'm still worried. He's graduating in two years time -- a soon to be doctor. He says he knows nothing will happen. He is assuring me that all will be fine. But I'm saying it again, I'm still worried. I know the chances are rare. And I know it's a sin to commit adultery before marraige. But I'm still a virgin and will be until I get married. I have self-control, but my husband-to-be doesn't have any.


Yes, the chance of pregnancy in this case is quite low. For pregnancy to take place, sperm has to be present when you release an egg, which takes place 14 days before your next period. A man's sperm is able to survive up to six days inside a woman's uterus, so unless you have a very short menstrual cycle this month, the timing would be off.

But the fact remains that whenever sex takes place -- and by that I'm not just talking about the time when a man's penis is in a woman, but all aspects of sex -- the possibility of pregnancy exists. Certain things will greatly increase the odds, such direct deliver of semen to the back of the vagina, but other things can lead to pregnancy as well. For instance, most woman do not realize that a man's penis drips fluid when he is sexually aroused. That fluid can contain sperm, though very little. Thus they think they can't get pregnant even if the man's penis is in them so long as he didn't ejaculate, but it very much untrue. Another thing they forget is that sperm swim, so semen that gets near the vaginal opening can be close enough for sperm to swim in. The odds are that most sperm will not survive the journey, but since it only takes one sperm to fertilize an egg, the odds can never be zero.

What I find more sad is that you claim to know that sex before marriage is a sin, but you still engage in it. True, you haven't had his penis in you, but what you describe is that you are both getting naked and engaging in sexual foreplay. "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29). The word "touch" refers to sexual touching. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:1-2). Sexual touching, like sexual intercourse, belongs in marriage. Instead the two of you are inflaming your passion for sex and some how fooling yourselves into thinking that nothing "bad" will happen even though you plan to keep in up for two years. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Instead of keeping your body (your vessel) set apart for holiness and honor, the two of you are using your bodies for passions of lust. That is not right!

Finally, consider how you describe your boyfriend: he doesn't have any self-control. Have you thought what life will be like with a man who is not inclined to restrain himself? Are you going to have trust in him not to be cheating on you when you are not around? Is he good marriage material?

Too, I wonder if you are just putting all the blame for the situation on him, even though you are participating. You've might have kept him out so far, but it appears you think you can keep this from happening for two years or more -- two years where he is going to put increasing pressure on you because he doesn't mind if you remain a virgin or not.

Put this relationship back in a godly stance. You're worth having as a wife. He wants you, so have him show his commitment to you by first marrying you. Then two of you can enjoy sex and not worry about whether you might get pregnant.