Question:
I have had a girlfriend for a few months now and she is very affectionate. We do have boundaries and have agreed that we will not have sex before marriage nor show each other any private parts, but we both still like physical connections. Are kissing and making out a sin? I often find that I have a strong sexual desire when we are kissing and sometimes I even ejaculate without having a hand next to my penis. I feel guilty after I have done this many times. I’m confused if this action of making out and cuddling is sinful.
Answer:
I congratulate you that you’ve discussed boundaries in advance. So we need to make sure those boundaries are respected. But we also have to understand that the boundaries are actually established by God.
Of course, you and she like physical connections, but not all physical connections are appropriate when you are not married. “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1). By “touch,” Paul is referring to sexual touches that arouse the other person. Sexual touching stirs up a passion for sex that is hard to control. People don’t think clearly when they are sexually aroused and will often make mistakes.
I have found some young men don’t make a distinction between dripping pre-ejaculate fluid and ejaculating semen. Pre-ejaculate fluid drips as part of a automatic response. A male doesn’t have direct control over whether he drips fluid other than to limit his sexual arousal as much as possible. Semen is ejaculate as a result of sexual stimulation. It is accompanied by an intense feeling of pleasure that is called an orgasm.
If you are actually ejaculating, then it means you are getting too involved in sexual touching. There is nothing wrong with holding hands or chase kissing, but when your actions leave you thinking about little else than dropping your pants, then you are doing things you should not be doing. Even though you haven’t done this yet, the odds are very high that eventually, you will give in to the temptation.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5).
God wants you to be holy, but you can’t be holy if you are sinning by having your penis inside a girl. To avoid doing that, you have to have self-discipline over your body to keep it holy. But in order to have self-discipline, you can’t get involved in lustful things. Lust will cause you to make bad judgments, which will lead to you losing control over your body, which will lead to you putting your penis where it doesn’t belong.