Last updated on October 5, 2020
Question:
Hello,
I am a Muslim male. I have a girlfriend who is a Christian and her parents are really religious. I come to you because I need help from a Christian brother. My girlfriend and I are both 16. Her parents found out that we had sex. I know that it is morally wrong. From that time on, I have apologized to her parents and let them know that I am aware of the sin that I have done. I also said that I will repent and never have sex with her again until we are married because marrying her is my goal. I let her dad know that I truly care about her daughter, without sex I can do just fine, and all I need is her. She loves me too, so there are no problems between us. I have even agreed to go to their church and listen to the missionary discussions. I am trying to make everything better. I know that I have sinned, and I am ashamed of it. But God forgives and gives second chances. I am really committed to this girl, and I respect any rules her parents might set on our relationship. All that truly matters is her and her happiness to me.
Therefore, I ask you: do you think that I deserve to stay with her? Or am I a bad influence on her and I am an evil person for the sin I have done?
May God bless you.
Answer:
Both in Christianity and in Islam, having sex when you are not married is a sin. While I’m familiar with the teachings in Islam, I am not a follower of that religion, so I will focus on the teachings in the Bible. Technically Islam accepts these same teachings, though, in reality, it differs greatly.
The problem is greater than just the fact that you had sex. Both you and your girlfriend betrayed the trust that her parents had placed in her and you. It makes it difficult for them to know if you will really keep your word or not. Add to this that they probably don’t understand Islam well enough to trust that a follower of Islam will keep his word. It doesn’t help your situation that Islam permits its followers to lie in various situations. While some Christians do lie, there is a difference. Lying in Christianity is always a sin. “But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death” (Revelation 21:8). It is hard to build trust when there are barriers between people.
I’m not certain from your note. Are you considering changing religions or is your attendance at church services mainly to impress your girlfriend’s parents? In other words, if the unthinkable happened and you and she broke up, would you still be looking to become a Christian?
Remaining in sins would make a person evil. You sound like that you don’t plan to continue to sin. In Christianity, forgiveness is initially gained with a person becomes a Christian. “Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost” (Acts 2:38). But there is much you would need to learn because there is a radically different view of what God requires of men between a Muslim and a Christian. “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17).
When trust is broken, it takes time to rebuild that trust. You have to both behavior yourself around her and demonstrate that you are a man who always keeps his word. It is by your actions, not your words, that people will decide whether to trust you.